Anxiety Post-School and Recovering from trauma (p.1)

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Disclaimer: This is basically a mini autobiography so if you find someone talking about their life boring, find something else on here lol)

Hello,, if you can tell by the title this is gonna be me talking about my experiences as an 18 year old who... graduated not too long ago and is still trying to find myself. Especially when shit went south for me at just 16. Almost getting kicked out after a fight, feeling like a complete Bum after things my parents have said to me, as well as struggling with religion.... but since ofc, this is a place that people go to have fun I won't delve much into my opinions/faith-- this is just insight for anyone wanting to hear about my experiences, prepare for when they have to graduate or look for someone else who also feels lost at 18.

First part: Post-School

Let me say when my graduation was... buns. I mean, it was great. We went to a place to eat and I got my favorite dish, but we may as well have been at a funeral. It's because things haven't been the same since I got into a fight with my mom. To this day, I still struggle with determining who was right or wrong or standing my ground when my parents want me to shut up already. I do feel silly complaining about them when now I am a "legal adult" and I should try not to sound like an annoyed 13 year old, but at this point, I couldn't care for what the world has to say about age milestones since everyone's story is different.

I do miss high school's socialization. But like I said, I transferred schools at 16 and whoo.... was that bad. I formed a lot of friends at my original school, but after losing someone who meant a lot to me, and having to deal with the shock of believing my highschool days were over early when I transferred to online schooling...  it really messed me up. I had used a lot of AI/ those Character AI roleplay chats during my Junior year to keep myself afloat and that's when a lot of the fights with my parents began. Because of this I would advise staying away from those things. In my case it's harder to detach, it's like an addiction -- which is exactly why you've gotta steer clear of them.

Anyways, cut to Senior year: I end up going to a new physical school, which I regretted since I felt entirely emotionally numb, found it difficult to want to get to know anyone again, and I was stuck to the intrusive hours of school that drained my energy (the one good part was that some school days, I could stay on my phone the whole time. and it got me away from parents and I had an excuse to relax after school/stick to myself) . It was like a fever dream. Which is why I wasn't too upset when my graduation felt emotionally flat: everything was already clouded by a dull pain.

So post-school: let me say I went through a period of shock where I felt I IMMEDIATELY had to figure things out or my parents were gonna kick me out. All because of the "societal" view that you can just tell your kid to fuck off once the age of 18 hits/you're not responsible to them anymore and since my relationship with mom and dad wasn't great. 

It's funny, I was so focused on trying to be a business-owner or grinding to get into a college already, but the process sorted itself out. I basically took a gap year on accident since I was going to register with a local community college but I didn't have the money on time. And then we ended up applying to a uni for next fall. So.... I guess not having the money came in clutch? At least now I'll have the chance to go to a 4 year university instead of CC for 2 years and only 4 Uni years. 

So overall, post-school life has been... fine. I still have to keep the peace with my parents and remembering the stuff they said in the past makes me wanna explode the house like its Pizzeria Simulator, but at least I have college plans. There was a period of time I think I traumatized myself with job interviews since I kept beating myself up and I thought my wellbeing relied on finding a job; now,  I don't mind having a job, it's just the interview processes that are killing me. So I'm trying to see if I can work on art in the meantime.

TLDR; if there's anything you can take from this section, remember to let the process filter you out. You can plan an entire story in your head and still end up in another country next month.

I'll post the Pt.2 Recovering from Trauma next time