are y'all also ashamed of your illnesses??

I can't really pinpoint why am I feeling like this whenever the topic of my physical/mental illnesses comes up, but I genuinely despise talking about it, it makes me embarrassed :P (i am a big traumatized baby, that's why)

I mainly suffer from an anxiety disorder, IBS, and migraines.Whenever I have to declare my current health state somewhere, like when I'm getting a piercing or going to the doctor, or whenever the symptoms of my illnesses show I just feel SO embarrassed. I can't imagine talking about my health to my friends (or anyone else that isn't an anonymous entity like this blog) on a daily basis, or mentioning it in conversation.

I know this is silly, but it feels like asking for attention. Especially when it's something regarding my anxiety/trauma disorder.

I rarely have the mindset of "I'm sick, whatever, everyone is with something", but often, I'm scared that admitting to it is going to make me unqualified for a job further in life, think saying something offensive on the internet and then having it bought up when you're looking for a job.

My whole life (okay, not whole, since I'm 14), I've been studying to be a children's psychologist, and I'm not planning to stop on that. I know I theoretically could just act like I don't have trauma that I have to actively heal from and that rewired some parts of my brain (i feel uncomfortable as I write this), but, how could I look my patient dead in the eye and say "it's okay, your disorders don't define your sanity!" while I actively shame myself off of mine?

But, what else am I supposed to do, besides going though it as I am right now? I didn't ask to be traumatized into a disorder, I didn't provoke it. It's not my fault I have it, and it can happen to everyone. I know my illnesses don't define me, how I cope with them does.

Turning my whole life around because someone spun me counterclockwise against my will would be a choice to stay weak. So many other people have trauma like me; being bullied at school, dead parents, SA...If all of them quit their dream jobs, we'd be a world of very few carriers.

Now, it's terrible, but I think I can tough it out if at the end of the road there's 20-something me telling a kid "it's okay, I did it, so can you!"

Does anyone else feel like that sometimes?

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                                            ‧₊ *:･ﾟ彡       ◌                 ☽︎       ◌

            ◌                                 ✩彡 ･ﾟ *:                                     

                                ◌                                        ◌

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                                                 ♡

                                        (\_(\      /)_/)

                                       (      )    (      )

                                     ૮/ʚɞ  |ა ૮|  ʚɞ\ა

                                      ( ◌    |      |     ◌ )

(copied from my spacehey)

Lee signing out :*