being a system is so weird

weird ass mental illness

like half the time i genuinely feel like im losing my mind because i cant have anything to myself. my memories, my body, my life. my place in the system leaves me in the dark alot, despite literally being the host. im not allowed access to so much stuff and its frustrating and its more frustrating to explain systems to ignorant or unkind people who think im making it up for attention even though we have quite literally been through medical care for this since i was eleven. its a nightmare genuinely, i wish we could all have are own bodies and i could just learn to cope normally.