Being an open person is a curse

You’d think being honest and truthful would lead to a straight forward life, no lies to get tangled up in and no deception to get caught in. YOUD THINK.

Just a quick brief of my strange condition that lands me in incredibly awkward situations; if someone asks me a question about something I’ll probably tell them (UNLESS it’s about someone else’s personal life or something I’ve been specifically told not to say, which I luckily have a subconscious block on) but apart from that I’m pretty much an open book, especially if I’m comfortable with a person. I struggle to withhold information when there’s no strong reason to and I hate lying, I’m coincidentally terrible at it. I also have adhd so I tend to ramble and usually say more information about a certain subject than an average person would. Additionally I’m incredibly trusting, I don’t like to think information I give out about my personal life should have much reason to be shared (which I’m constantly slapping myself in the face over because in what world, am I right?😥)

Now I’m not sure why I’m like this, I think it may be because I’m used to one on one friendships I’ve never been the type to seek out groups of people although that’s where I often end up.

It’s true I’ve been in groups but I’ve never been “friends” with more than one person in those groups (excluding the time I was in the most toxic group I’ve ever been in that resorted in me moving classes and never talking to them again but that’s another story.)

My point is I don’t have much experience with having multiple friends at least in a normal setting that is, and have gone through huge chunks of my life with two best friends who never met until a single awkward birthday of mine. I left school early to pursue a different form of education and outside of school and INSTANTLY I made an overwhelming amount of Friends… ONLINE FRIENDS😧 as you could probably assume not many stuck but in that period of time I landed myself in situations I had never quite been in before and was making a fool of myself (evidently due to my lack of experience and knowledge.) Honestly this first example was incredibly silly and stupid on my part but here’s how it went down:

At the time of this particular incident I was close friends with three people two of which were my ONLINE FRIENDS 🤯 I’ll call them Dracula and toe (both boys btw my names are quite gender neutral so I thought I’d add this in) and the other I’ll call bow(girl). I’ll give a brief description of these friends and my relationship with them:

Bow is a friend who I’ve had for like 8-9 years who is incredibly manipulative but I love her like a sister (also anotherlonglonglongstory) bacically our friendship is really messy and deep and there’s wayyy too much lore to describe this person so we will leave it at that. 

Dracula and toe I met around roughly the same time on a game and we had immediately connected really well and I had been calling them both together and individually quite frequently for a couple months

Dracula was one of the first platonic male friends I’ve ever had and we are still good friends to this day, hes like a little brother to me. Incredibly immature but he has a good heart 🙂‍↕️

Toe oh toe this one was a complex one. There was an extremely obvious situationship going on between us which was incredibly messy towards the end and genuinely left me with trust issues and a whole other scope of things but that’s yet again another story for another time, but at this point he was just a really GENUINE(I’m gritting my teeth) and KIND guy to me who I got along with incredibly well 

Now bow had toe and Dracula on her radar and said to me “introduce me to your online friends I want some online friends” mind you she most definitely had online friends and countless real life friends but I added her to a group chat regardless. After we had been on a call for a while  bow realised her and Dracula didn’t instantly click, and for the first time ever in a group dynamic that me and her have been in she wasn’t the center of attention. She leaves the call and texts me saying she just FEELS like Dracula is giving racist homophobic straight man vibes, mind you he had said NOTHING to give off that impression and I said out loud while on call with Dracula and toe “what the actual fuck” they asked me what happened, and I read out the baseless claims spat out infront of me. 

We were all confused and were mid discussion about the matter when one of us made the observation that bow had rejoined the call. She left swiftly after our realisation but the damage had been done. What followed was a list of countless angry voice notes (which is a bow special). at that point me and bow had never EVER gotten into a fight, around 7 years of us being friends this was the first one, and BOY was it a big one.

 Now I will say I handled this situation poorly perhaps I should not have straight up told toe and Dracula what bow had said, perhaps I should have had a conversation privately with bow and kept my goddamn gob shut. either way, it BLEW UP. 7 years of manipulation, exclusion, minor psychological and physical abuse and other fun things, I had the opportunity to finally say something, bow had came at me with FULL FORCE and i said BRING IT ON I have years of trauma as evidenced that your guilty of every faulse claim you had dug out your butt and thrown at me. Safe to say I got a lot off my chest and honestly I thought this would end our friendship. actually it just made out friendship stronger… kind of (long story).

 Anyways this was more of a case of me opening my massive mouth and becoming an IRL reaction channel, nonetheless this was my first taste of “if only I had kept my gob shut”. Safe to say I learnt from this experience to handle situations personally, privately and separately which I probably would have done had I not been on call, but either way I put it in my books as a learning experience.

Okay I’ll pick this up another time I’m so tired 😭

I really don’t think anyone would be reading this far I think I’ve developed carpel tunnel for nothing 😣 NIGHT