being hyper s£xual from a young age - any1 relate ? :(

this is one of a sensitive topic for me if im being honest and i am willing to show my vunerable side. 

im kind of venting and debriefing myself:

i started m@sturbating at the age of like 7 and i TRULY believe the abuse i was going through had a crucial big play to this… my mom was VERRRYYYY OVERLY strict like and wanted us to be basically very very modest like as a kid i got s£xualised by my mom alot. i was very overweight and my mom was practically an enabler to that, she would continue to feed my junk food instead of trying to help your clearly unhealthy kid but oh well that can be seen as the motherly love so anyway, since i was fat i had thick thighs and butt so i could never tuck my shirts in, wear tight clothes etc whilst my skinny sister could but she wasnt aloowed to wear shirts infront of my dad and older brother … ik - so weird. 

just now i am rruly understanding the effects these habita i had have impacted me and have shaped me to who i am today… i still struggle with m@sturb#tion and being overly h0rny… i hate i hate it i hate it. to have those cute girly girl friends whose are so pure and then here i am. not trying to talk down on myself !

I think these restrictions made me like horny and want freedom and to express that I would m@strubate to inappropriate things… it sucks having friends that discorved self pl£asure as a teen whilst you did it as a child i start to feel rlly gross and like a weirdo and creep :( i also over s£xualise really normal stuff and have really weird k1nks now 😭  i genuinely need to fix this trauma of mine… and its also the reason to why like im not even trying to larp but i do some psychopathic stuff 😭 ik it might sound cringe but stuff im genuinely so ashamed to say and especially kinks too like omg its so bad. sighs. 

your childhood shapes you as a person, it really does. it has a huge impact on your life. i wish i had a normal childhood… 

bye. thank you for reading, i hope you can understand and hope you DONT relate bc it is certainly very sad for someone to experience this but if you do relate i hope it brings you comfort knowing youre not alone ❤️‍🩹