being perfect

I absolutely hate being the loser kid of my whole family. my cousins from both sides are straight A students and won many awards plus theyr'e athletic. And im not even straight.(my family is homophobic) my father usually compares me to them and it makes me sad to the point that i dont even want to exist anymore. i mean since the school year started i have amazing grades but my mental health is driving me insane, my mom sometimes asks me if im okay but i usually lie because i dont want to worsen HER depression. im starting to get more annoying and boring and i have less and less friends. i dont know what to do anymore i mean i dont want to dissapoint my parents with my grades. i dont even have plans for my life anymore cause i know i wont make it to my 20s.