billionth ‘I hate my friends friend’ rant

trigger warning for fucking everything I feel like a rabid dog 

I’ve always loved having an idol to despise. Someone to put all of my hate on, a certain someone to be the symbol of my problems.. right now it’s him. Fat, ugly, sexual assaulter, belittling fucking bitch. He hasn’t done anything to me, but he has done things to my friend. 

I plan to find a way to beat him. Whether that be him trying to start something with me, or with my friend, I don’t care about the specifics of it. Just.. something. So I can attack him. I’ve never gotten to attack a sexual abuser before and I want to very badly. 

He thinks he’s her protector, as if that tub of used fucking Vaseline could protect her from anything. He’s incorrect. He might be a little protective but he still belittles her, still embarrasses her, still doesn’t take himself or her seriously. He hasn’t met someone like me. 

I think he’s scared of me, actually; multiple people have told me I’m intimidating and I get it. I walk around like I have more muscle than I do, I have big grey eyes like that of a hare or wolf, I’m more sharp than I really should be and I’ve also been told that my visage is quite stunning (im too pretty . ^^), and I’m tall, so I understand it. He can probably tell that I hate him. He goes quiet when I talk to Imogen, he walks away when I come to talk to her. He doesn’t say anything when I go to walk with her because he knows I know. He knows her parents know. He knows why I got him to sit alone. 

My whole existence is built on anger and justice and protection. All of my disorder, all of my anger, all of my monstrosity started with hearing my mother getting abused and feeling extremely angry. That feeling, that desperate need to kill and annihilate to protect those who I know, is one that I’ve carried in my hands and my teeth for a long time now. He isn’t a protector. He isn’t good. 

I am who he thinks he is. I am a creature built of instinct, of justice, the teeth of the lion digging into the shoulder of the hyena that killed its cub. I have hurt people too, but I will never stoop to his level. I will never not take accountability. I will never not protect. Because it’s all I am and the anger is all I know.