bleehh (vent)

its so hard talking to people idk why. when I was in public school only like 4 people actually liked me, and everyone else thought I was too weird or something. Even a few teachers didnt like me. I literally had a 504 plan in 8th grade, and my math teacher at the time didnt even like me. She said that I "didnt know what I was doing" in some harsh way and told that to one of the "class clowns" because yes she favors the mean kids and doesnt defend people when theyre getting bullied. so anyway i went home crying after that and thats why im homeschooled now

When youre homeschooled, it is so hard to socialize. Im trying though because I want friends. I've joined discord servers and they were all ass, I went to social events/groups and was isolated from the group and judged (honestly one of the groups were pretty friendly, but they didnt go by their own rules so I was weirded out), and the people I have friended ended up being really toxic.

Whenever I try talking to people, I get drained really quickly, but I also love talking to people at the same time. When I have a good conversation with someone I don't know very well, I start feeling high because I'm so happy (exaggeration obv..) but most of the time, I don't talk to people. and I feel burnt out all the time and sometimes when I try to talk to someone I feel paralyzed. I've been told these are things that happen to people when they've socialized to much, but like. I'm not socializing at all. why am I feeling like this

ok enough yapping im going back to powerwash simulator 2 and youtube also i dont feel like revising this

(edit: I feel like adding this uhhh theres a really huge pattern with people i become friends with, usually they're mentally ill and treat me like their therapist even if I tell them I'm uncomfortable, then after I'm done trying to comfort them and they feel better theyre like "wow you suck at comforting" or some other insult. braahhh rbrrrahhhh 🥹🥹🥹🥹)

(another edit: IVE MET GOOD PEOPLE I WILL NOT FALL VICTIM TO BLACK AND WHITE THINKING. i just dont talk to them anymore because yk people change and drift away from old friends not in a bad way)