Blog Entry 08/27/2026 - Thinking about when Tori Vega said, "I'm so sick of it, your attention deficit."

I always have this issue where I come up with creative ideas but can never follow through on them. Sometimes I get over halfway done and lose interest because the idea is no longer shiny and new, or maybe I gab about it way too much to my friends first thing and already feel the satisfaction as if I completed it in its entirety. I just... forget about it.

It feels like I can't help it. I'm really good about being disciplined with my college schoolwork and what I get assigned at work, but it takes genuinely so many reminders and alarms and brainpower. It's exhausting. I feel boredom often and I'm always trying to find a new project to fill my time up with. There are some projects I return to every few months, and then some that I never touch again. Sometimes it's as big as a new career that I am going to revolve my life around now for whatever reason (I never actually want to do it) (it's just the boredom) and sometimes it's something as small as a zine.

That's actually what inspired me to write this. I'm wanting to create a zine featuring me and my friend's art, writing, poetry, music, etc. and see if I could leave it with a few of our local record stores, bookstores, or cafes so that people could just grab them for free. For local exposure. I live in a place swarming with local artists and musicians, so I don't think I'll necessarily have tomatoes thrown at me if they say no. I may even try the library (librarians are very punk and love giving the community free stuff) (I would know) (I worked at a library for three years).

I'm scared of losing this idea as I always am when I truly want to do something. I know that it's entirely in my control, but would it make sense if I say that it doesn't really feel like it? Sometimes I feel helpless, like my mind is a runaway train that keeps missing stops. Stops that I'd really like to get off at. I have this constant growing fear that I will never be able to achieve the artistic dreams I have if I am never able to get this under control. I'd also love to remember to clean the dishes when they aren't within eyesight.

- Lea Xx