blog repost 1

hello! Alot of what you'll read is a repost from another blog website I'm moving on from, but it is just so everyone here can see a little of what I usually put on my blog before I start really posting :) 

Hello to my followers and lurkers! 

It's been a while since I've been on this account or updated my blog about my life or anything, but here I am!!!

I have been writing and rewriting this for days now lol. I started this on Thursday September 10,2026 at about 12am and it is now currently Wednesday morning and about 4am hahaha. In my last draft I ranted on about how long this was going to take, but I'll save anyone who sees this the long ass speech. 

Right now, since this is my digital diary of some sorts, I want to write about my inner thoughts. I'm not necessarily interested in keeping log of my life right now in my 20's and every little detail from the 3 months I haven't updated myself (And my beautiful patron reading this right now of course). I am more so interested in recording my off the wall thoughts and feelings and none of the in between because I mean I'm writing this to vent not for anything to be cohesive. Anyways, enough of that. 

I am miserable! Utterly miserable! Is this what my life will be like for the next 10 years? I am hanging on by a thread. Supporting myself and my girlfriend with no external support is so heavy. Like, I get it. I'm 21 and at this age I'm thrown to the wolves but that doesn't make it any less hard. UGH I wish I had it all together, but they say this is the time for self-discovery. Finding your place in the world. Sometimes I look at the sky and I'm like, "what the actual fuck am I doing here?" I feel like I understand everything and nothing at the same time. I know I'm young, but these are hard times to be alone in this world. I mean truly alone. My life is so full of wishful thinking.... maybe that means I haven't really grown up at all. 

I want to hug my younger self so tight. I feel like I'm going through life and it's just us. Me and little misosoup. I feel a disconnect from those around me. I'm just so sad, but when I'm alone the sadness turns into loneliness. Looking up at the sky turns into dreams of flying far away from this planet. Death and life, hunger and anger, happiness and choices, these are flying through me all day long. All throughout the night. I want to feel here, and I want to feel whole. I feel like a cup full of dirty water. 

This was so much shorter than I anticipated considering I've been trying to write something out for the past few days. I think that's all for now. I'm not happy and I'm not whole, but I'm here. Shouldn't that be enough? 

I love everyone who took the time to read this! Have a goodnight or a goodmorning lol. 

xoxo