Bit of a rant, but I would love some advice please, if anyone knows the feeling.
For context, I was in a relationship of almost 4 years (Yes since I was 13..
) and I just broke up with him around 2 weeks ago. He never did anything crazily awful, but I was feeling extremely lonely and he was super focused on his social life and goals and didn't spare much time or emotion for me.
I feel very strange and conflicted with my emotions at the moment, I know thats normal, but I have this little part of me that thinks 'what if' but also I feel excited to move along and meet new people. Im 17yrs old and close to being 18 in January, so its not like there's a rush to suddenly be with someone else.. but the thought of a relationship now absolutely terrifies me, almost suffocating? Even before dating him all those years ago I was just like this too.
Yet, I do desire a relationship, there's nothing I want more than a real connection as im sure many people also do. Now im more mature than I was in my early teens, I have a better idea of what I like, and would look for.
The problem is, ive been acting so relaxed about the breakup because I tend to suppress my emotions as I don't like being a liability to my friends or family. I hate the thought if it seeming like im bothered by it or upset. But, ive been having nightmares or even plain dreams almost every single night since, and he is always in them as the main topic.
(The dreams/nightmares are also usually unsettling, or just uncomfortable)
It just makes me wake up in a really strange mood, as all I want is to just take our relationship as a nice memory of the past and move on. Yet, im waking up with him as my first thought. Im wondering how I can get around this.?
I know im not heartbroken by the breakup, but my heart does definetely feel heavy.
If anyone can, id love some tips or advice to settle my anxiety. it would be a great help♥
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Mae🩷
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Hey, I've for sure been in your situation before. It's definitely a lot to deal with because that person became apart of your everyday routine. There is always going to be the "what if" factor when you break up with someone (especially being with them for so long) but something that helped me is recognizing that just because things could've been different doesn't mean they'd be better.
I wish I could say I know how to get them of your mind but, I don't. Growth and healing is never linear, though so that's a great thing to keep in mind. I think you may just need to adjust to being broken up, see what you can take from the situation, and figure out your course of action to make it better for you.
I'm a year younger than you but I was with someone from when I was 12 until I was 15 years old and when we broke up I was messed up for a minute. Our situation was pretty different from yours but I'm just saying that so yk I'm not just chatting loll. I hope you feel better!
Also, you mentioned suppressing your emotions to not inconvenience those around you and I'm like in love with psychology so I want you to know that the vivid dreams and nightmares you're experiencing is most likely a manifestation of emotions you never expressed.
A good way to help with some anxiety is writing! It worked so well for me. Great processing tool honestly. If you need to talk to anyone I'm here if you want to. Ik we don't know each other but, I've been in your shoes before and ik exactly what you're feeling.
Thankyou so much, i really appreciate you commenting <3 I definitely agree, it will probably take me a while as its so different than my usual life with him in.
On the part about the dreams and nightmares, that really makes so much sense now its laid out. Dreams all definitely have meanings, and thinking about the themes of all of the ones ive had, it would make a lot of sense..
Writing is definitely a good one!!! ive been doing quite a lot of writing actually recently, but come to a halt unfortunately as I feel a little unmotivated, but your comment has given me a bump to want to get back to it!! Thankyou so much, and I definitely will :) vice versa, I am always here!! ♥
by Flossie4Mattie; ; Report
Of course!! I hope writing goes well for you because ik how it is to not feel motivated to write loll. I picked it up again a couple of months ago and haven't been able to stop since.
by Mae🩷; ; Report