Bunch of thoughts

I really don't want to be 2O. Let me be 19 forever. September has been really hard to live because I don't. I always thought my English was good, until I realized it was not (sorry if I make sentences that have no sense). I feel like a "zgeg" (famous french expression that means that you sucks). 

Since I've been back to college, I feel so stupid (I am actually, I don't even know how I got my year). Yeah I feel really depressed lately. And sad. And weird. There is this boy in my major, I could never speak to him because he will find that I am weird. (I'm not weird weird, like I'm just really awkward, I hope). 

We always said to me that I looked older than my age. And it's the same now. Like I don't know why I'm acting like I'm a mother of 3 children while I'm not even in my twenties. I regret not having many good memories of my teenage year, because I was depressed, and I had a really hard time going to school. I'm sad of this too. I'm really negative nowadays, sorry about that for those who are reading this...