cause of death: heartbreak ;p (VENT)

My heart has been aching for months nonstop..i want his love again i need his love again. i've been hurting; i can't deal with it anymore, not a day goes by without him crossing my goddamn mind, He's still mentioned countless times in every prayer of mine...He was my motivation, My muse, My will to fucking live, he was truly everything to me.

I wish i wasn't so stupid with him. I wish i controlled myself, god i wish i actually changed. Everyday feels like hell without him. I saw him in public one time after everything that had happened and i wanted to die right there. He looked so different... He looked happy, it felt like he stabbed me right in the heart and twisted it. i've been hurting for far too long i don't know if i can still keep up. 

Any advice on how to stop hurting? please...