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23 minutes ago (edited) Report 👍

okay uummm I'm gonna be very honest when I say I have no clue mysefl how to go about this buuut I have google.

I did some quick research and found some legit sounding stuff. WARNING ITS LONG.

"In short, in order to overcome trauma bonds, we can’t compromise truth for promise. We must also remain aware of our current state and actively care for ourselves. What does this look like?

Not compromising truth for promise means refusing to fantasize about how a partner might change someday, and staying grounded in the evidence of the partner’s behavior remaining the same. It means reminding ourselves that the patterns of experienced abuse are truly patterns, because overcoming abusiveness is typically a decades-long process, even if the partner who behaves abusively is currently practicing non-violence. It means being honest with ourselves about how our partner’s choice to behave violently towards us in any way has impacted us in the past, is currently impacting us, and may impact us down the road, without dismissing this reality.

Remaining aware of our current state involves clearly and explicitly acknowledging what we’re going through. This can mean simply pausing to mind a thought (or write it down to remind yourself of it later) to recognize what’s happening and what its impact is on us:

• “I love them, but I don’t want to love them.”
• “Oops, I was just fantasizing about the good times even though they never last with a partner who behaves abusively.”
• “They just did it again. I feel broken.”
• “I just told someone. That was scary, but I feel better. That was brave.”

Actively caring for ourselves means behaving gently with ourselves, intercepting negative self-talk with positive self-truths, and building a life we love without people who hurt us. In order to be gentle rather than condemning ourselves when we notice we’ve gotten caught up in promises or a fantasy about our abuser, we can stop and acknowledge the progress we’ve made in changing our thinking, and recognize that forgetting is part of the healing process.

If thoughts or self-talk turn into something degrading, like “I’m so stupid,” or “How could I let this happen again?,” it can be helpful to make a conscious effort to say a positive truth to ourselves. Try something like, “I’m smart, because I’m taking steps to empower my future at this very moment,” or “I am not at fault for someone else’s chosen behavior. My behavior is kind.” When we’ve invested so much of our life with someone we love who also hurts us, building a life we love without people who hurt us can feel daunting. Change takes effort, effort takes motivation, and we’ve gotten used to motivation from someone who behaves abusively. It helps to take life moment by moment, taking time for introspection, considering personal goals, and then identifying and taking steps to achieve those goals. It also helps to have self-care activities in our back pocket, like journaling, prayer or meditation, talking to a trusted friend, exercise and/or individual therapy. The Hotline may be able to find free services for survivors in your community, including individual professional counseling."

It's okay to mourn and feel sadness. The important thing is to extend empathy and kindness to yourself. I hope you get through it and sorry if nonbe of this works im not a professional (´。＿。｀)