Comments

17 minutes ago (edited) Report 👍

Honestly, I don't even know what to say except that I'm really glad you're still here and that things are better for you now. Reading all of that, I don't see some "disgusting, creepy, horrible person." I see someone who was in a REALLY bad place and clearly wasn't functioning normally, and who eventually realized they didn't want to keep living that way and started putting their life back together.

And I really don't like how harshly you talk about your past self :( You don't have to pretend that everything you did back then was okay, but you were clearly struggling in ways that you didn't fully understand. I don't think you need to keep punishing yourself for having been unwell.

Also, that interaction with your old classmate honestly sounds really sweet. You were terrified that he'd see you and remember you as the person you were back then, and instead you two just... talked. You laughed, caught up, realized you have this absolutely insane birthday/hospital coincidence, and he hugged you before you left. 😭 That's gotta count for something.

And I can understand why summer brings all that stuff back. Everyone coming back to town probably makes it feel like you're being dropped back into old versions of yourself that you worked really hard to move past. And seeing people leave again probably makes you feel like you're standing still while everyone else is moving forward.

But you're not actually stuck. You're still growing even if your surroundings haven't changed yet. You went back to school, rebuilt relationships, made friends, took care of yourself, and built a life after a period where you genuinely couldn't imagine doing those things. That's not being stuck.

And you don't have to have your entire future figured out right now either. Being scared to leave doesn't mean you'll never leave. It just means it's something you're not ready for yet.

Anyway I'm sorry you had to go through all of that :( But I'm really proud of you for getting yourself out of that place. And PLEASE stop calling past-you disgusting. She was struggling, not disgusting. 🫂

28 minutes ago (edited) Report 👍 2

Yikes, but I hope this year is gonna be somehow going well for you.