Comments

sorry for taking so long to respond to this journal I've been meaning too but A.D.D. mouahaha (that is the ADD  doing the evil laugh not me)

I'm really sorry your best friend is putting you through such a shitty situation. It's not fair that she gets to decide everything and you're feeling powerless in regards to any of her decisions and just have to go with the flow out of fear of loss. I understand that feeling and it's really painful. On top of it all her not talking to you about any of it and having to hear it from the friend she will  unequivocally force you to leave behind is really disheartening.

To me - and I don't want to make assumptions or be unfair here because I know she means a lot to you and it might just be misinterpretating the situation  - it sounds like she's put you in a situation where you're dependent on her in some way ? It's not my place to say ofc, but not giving you attention this whole time you've been living with her till now is really shitty, if I lived with my best friend we would hang out all fucking day partner or no partner! Or at least try to. It might be best to talk to her about how you feel, leaving things like this unresolved causes more pain then it should. 

I don't think it's true that you'd be nothing without her, I've felt this way often before because of my dog ass attachment issues and I found out once they got tired of my shit that the people around us don't define who we are! and I know for a fact that it isn't true that you'll never be someone's number one or that you're like unlovable because of your condition. I've only met you through these little entries for a couple weeks and I think you're really cool like REALLY cool and super cute!! You are loved for sure or at the very least will be this I am certain!! and I hope you find the structure you're looking for. It's normal to be at a loss of direction, you're going through a tough time right now and best I can say is to take some time for yourself and just think this through, it's gonna be okay! 

Alright, first of all I wish you well..... I hope things are gonna go well for your life in the future.

Honestly, I think there's still some potential still in your life and I think you still have some chance to have a really nice life.

I know you really loved your friend, but then I think you have to find value on your life..... Maybe there's still some people around you that could appreciate you.

Maybe family and some other friends, I hope you could find that circle.

But then, I think what you need is to really have some value for yourself and I do agree you need some restructure and I hope that work for you.