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I know it's a very hard thing to ask advice for and I'm proud of you for asking for advice on it. I'd say it doesn't exactly sound like something you should handle alone. If you feel like talking to someone about it maybe with your most trusted or closest family member and or friend? And or try to have a therapist. Although if you don't feel like talking to people about it I'd say maybe try to do something you love? Like a hobby? Sometimes even exploring new hobbies can help give you something to get that off your mind. Another thing is you can set goals for yourself [as in make a list of goals to do in a day there is apps that can help as well with this] ALSO another thing that can be a possibility is sometimes sleep [there's sleeping pills, tea, white noise, etc that can help with this] I do hope this helps you may not know me well but if you need to talk at all my messages are open. Not forcing any of this on you just some suggestions I do hope you get better though.

u only understand the desire to get worse and wanting attention about ed or sh when u went through it. like... yeah. that's a mechanism for someone begging for help without talking. so i get u. do u have a therapist? u take meds? with the feelings that u shared, i don't think u can do it on ur own. do u have a supportive circle? don't let this become bigger. seek help. if u need to talk, im here!