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this describes something ive been feeling for a while now... 

it feels like if i take off my lead lined coat and show someone my core, it'll cast them as an atomic shadow against the wall. 

and i'm so jealous of the lifes i'll never get to live. it bugs me that there are just some things i'll never be able to just intrinsically get from having lived it, because they require living entire lives as something else. i don't want a compromise between who i am and who i'd like to be, because i want to try being a lot of different impossible conflicting things!

it feels like i'll only ever understand enough to know that there are things i'll never get, even though i want to get it all...

What is normal anyway, normal is boring.