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like what the other person said below, youll get through it. this sounds terrible and i feel incredibly sympathic to you. i dont want to preach, but you should look into talking to someone near and dear about this, a schoolΒ counselor or a therapist about your feelings.

you're still a child, dont beat yourself up over this. i hope things go well for you, stay safe and happy.

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omg i hear you so loud, and honestly, i just want to give you the biggest hug right now. πŸ₯Ί carrying all of that weight and constantly picking yourself apart sounds so incredibly exhausting, especially when you feel like you're the only one stuck in this loop.
first off, please don't beat yourself up about the religious side of things. it is so normal to struggle with your body, and having insecure moments doesn't mean you're failing your faithβ€”it just means you're human and going through a really rough time.
I have felt this way so many times over, i promise you will get through it.Β Β α₯«α­‘.