i’m starting to hate myself

everyday there are more and more things i’m starting to notice about myself that i absolutely hate . i’m not really supposed to hate how im made in my religion , but there’s not much to like imo . i have small eyes and downturned lashes , green orangish dark skin , ugly hard to manage hair , undesirable proportions and a ton of body fat so i just look skinny fat . i’m not very athletic (i can’t even do sit ups) so losing fat over weight is like a whole new thing i have to think thru and im not interested in any sports . i think my sports career is actually already over since i’ve only really participated in dance and i wasn’t very good at that either and now it’s highschool where everyone’s already been in a sport since middle school so id be like the biggest loser anyway 

also starting to realize that a lot of things i hate about myself i cannot change and have to grow into 🤍 but everyone with my body shape looks ugly af and is usually fat #watdatmean so i think my final solution is to die , but im not doing that cause i love my life . but i think i will actually start looksmaxxing and try to be underweight or looking underweight cause then ill be skinny enough that no matter how trash the fit is it looks good anyway 🥳 but im very upset that i seem to be the only one going thru this and everyone else just wears what they want and looks however they want & having no idea how stupid they look cs of their proportions . i bought a bunch of polos over summer and cant even wear them bc they make me look like a man .

 my freind keeps saying i look wide and boxy , shes only like 2lbs lighter then me and she looks sm better built 💔 this is so unfair how everyone else is so nicely built but me and i cant even actually do anything about it . no one else comes home from school crying about how fat and ugly they look and spend hours researching abt how to improve themself but me it’s like no one cares about they look and i wish i could be that way bc they seem like they have sm more freedom and fun dressing however they want . the amount of fomo i get from seeing someone curl their lashes and it actually curls instead of doing nothing like dawg