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yeah,, ive had this a lot. not one character forever but usually one for a very long time. it was really prevalent for me a few years ago and since being in a long-term relationship its faded a bit but not fully. i've always had deep feelings for fictional characters that last a long time until the past few years. mind you, my current relationship isnt in a great place (unrelated) and i might be ending things, but since coming to terms with the state of my relationship i've been daydreaming a lot more, and letting myself do it because its something i'd been trying to avoid.

at this point ive come up with a character in my head, i think ive even dreamed of him a few times and thats what started it, and its just become this thing i always think about and want and like, he's not even in any media, its just in my head. i havent even made him like this perfect person. he's flawed, badly, and like i still want it. i feel like ive been using this to escape from the reality im currently in and i just wish it were real.

it feels really weird to actually talk about but i get how you're feeling. it feels like nothing and it feels sad and it makes me happy to think about