Have you ever loved someone who doesn't even exist?
I know that there are words for it. Like Fictosexual/fictoromantic or a Yummeshipper.
But I do not like labeling myself as any of those.
I just seem to deeply love this one fictional character, but honestly, I don't think it makes me not want to date anyone real. It's just that I am wondering...
Will this feeling ever fade? Or will it remain so it can influence who I choose as a partner in the future?
I don't know the answer to any of those questions. And I don't even wanna know. I don't even think that liking a fictional or imaginary person is inherently wrong or is disgusting. It's really beautiful, it can give one insight on what kind of romance one might desire in real life. It's not that I am disgusted with myself, it's just that...
I can't even describe this feeling.
When I see pictures of him, when I think of him, I just feel this deep euphoria. But then, he is not even a real person. He is not even a human being, and he is created by someone else entirely. It feels safer to like a fictional character created by my own head, but I guess I could always alter him in my head anyways. Headcanons, that's what that's called, right?
I'm not asking whether or not I am disgusting or I want people to affirm me or anything. I just want somebody to talk to about this. Somebody that isn't my mother for once. Even if this feeling is so confusing that I can't even describe it. I just wanna talk about it.
It just weighs on my heart and yet it feels like it's nothing at all.
It's like, yeah, thinking about him makes me happy, but then again...
Sure, daydreaming is fun. But it will never happen. And I am sometimes just so hyper aware of that.
I guess I just wish this somebody I am talking about was a real him and not a fictional one. And, I don't even feel ready to have a real partner in my life. The external situation nor the internal situation allows it.
It also sometimes feel so wrong to even like him since he is a yandere.
…
Might delete later.
Feel free to share your opinions or your own experiences with this loving a fictional character in a romantic way, especially ones that who follow darker romance tropes, in the comments.
Thank you for reading <3
Comments
Displaying 1 of 1 comments ( View all | Add Comment )
onefor_sorrow
yeah,, ive had this a lot. not one character forever but usually one for a very long time. it was really prevalent for me a few years ago and since being in a long-term relationship its faded a bit but not fully. i've always had deep feelings for fictional characters that last a long time until the past few years. mind you, my current relationship isnt in a great place (unrelated) and i might be ending things, but since coming to terms with the state of my relationship i've been daydreaming a lot more, and letting myself do it because its something i'd been trying to avoid.
at this point ive come up with a character in my head, i think ive even dreamed of him a few times and thats what started it, and its just become this thing i always think about and want and like, he's not even in any media, its just in my head. i havent even made him like this perfect person. he's flawed, badly, and like i still want it. i feel like ive been using this to escape from the reality im currently in and i just wish it were real.
it feels really weird to actually talk about but i get how you're feeling. it feels like nothing and it feels sad and it makes me happy to think about