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 slow down abit and let it go 

The author expresses a deep, conflicted relationship with music and creativity, characterized by a cycle of longing for validation and intense shame. While they find genuine joy in imagining cinematic music videos for their work, the actual process of creating music—particularly rapping and beat-making—has become a source of demoralization due to a lack of peer respect and low engagement on YouTube.

They struggle with the gap between their "visions of grandeur" and their reality, feeling that years of effort have been wasted. This sense of failure is amplified by seeing others in their local Chicago community or school gain the recognition they crave. Despite claiming to have quit and feeling that their goals are unobtainable, they find themselves still playing the guitar and writing, trapped between the hope of being understood by someone and the fear of further ridicule. Ultimately, the text is a reflection on grief over a dying dream and a profound sense of isolation.