crooked teeth lie here 2001-2026

my whole life, my teeth have been crooked. my childhood dentist constantly said i needed braces, that i need teeth extracted because there was overcrowding. i felt insecure about my teeth because i saw how other kids teeth looked, how the people on tv had a picture perfect smile. i didn't understand why only my teeth looked this way.

growing up, i dreamed of the day i would get braces. partially because i would get questions about them from my peers (loved when they wanted to know more about me), but also because it meant i would soon have straight teeth. i wouldn't be worried about how overlapped my bottom teeth were anymore, i wouldn't care about someone being close enough to see my them.

at the time, it felt unfortunate my braces journey never started. we couldn't afford it and as i got older, my perspective widened and straight teeth seemed so minuscule. my dad had saved up money for them, but unexpectedly redirected the money to my brother's spontaneous diagnosis of epilepsy. i understood the need and just accepted maybe i wasn't mean to have braces.

maybe i am meant to enjoy and appreciate my crooked teeth. the beauty of unknowingly pushing the beauty standard. accepting what a beautiful smile really means. a true smile sparked by genuine happiness, regardless of the color or alignment, IS beautiful. the authenticity of human feeling is what matters.

now, i am at the point in my life where it has finally been made clear, braces need to happen. i was so caught up in the idea that i should accept myself as is that i didn't consider how detrimental it could be to the future of my teeth. i am currently trying to learn that just because something about you needs to change, does not mean you are not enough. some things we need to comply with, fix, for the sake of our future to excel and be fruitful.

i have this melancholy feeling about never seeing my teeth in their crooked placements again once my journey is complete. it may seem minimal and silly to others, but to me it was apart of me, who i am. my exposed bones for the world to see that i needed to embrace publicly. 

i am grateful for being in the position to afford this, after all these years. dental care is insanely expensive here in the states, most adults may not even go for their regular cleanings. what a blessing it is to care for my teeth and manage to keep most of them around for a life time. though i am feeling sad they will lose their.. unique appearance, i am more than pleased to ensure my dental health is at its best.