Diary July 25th, 2004

Dear Diary,

Today felt like one of those strange summer days where everything looks bright, but somehow the world still feels completely grey.

The sun was out, the sky was blue, and everyone seemed to be pretending that life was simple. But I kept feeling like there was something crawling underneath everything. Something chemical. Something electric.

I spent most of the day lost in my own head, listening to music way too loud and thinking about things I probably shouldn't. My thoughts have been especially loud lately. They twist around each other until I can't tell if I'm feeling sad, angry, lonely, or all three at once.

Sometimes I wonder if anyone would even notice if I disappeared for a while.

I know that sounds dramatic. Maybe I am dramatic. Maybe that's just what happens when you feel everything too much and have nowhere to put it.

Tonight, I looked at myself in the mirror and barely recognized the person staring back. Maybe that's the point, though. Maybe I'm still becoming someone else.

Someone darker.

Someone stronger.

Someone who doesn't need anyone else to understand.

For now, I'll just keep the music loud, the lights low, and my secrets where they belong.

In the dark.

— 𝕸𝖞𝕮𝖍𝖊𝖒𝖎𝖈𝖆𝖑𝕯𝖆𝖘𝖍⛧