Digi Diary 5 | Change

Hey, it's been awhile since my last entry, I didn't exactly feel like writing, and when I did have something to write about I couldn't put it into words.

But this marks week 5 of sophomore year, or week 6 I think... It's okay but I fucked up horribly in one of electives and I have a horrible grade so now I have to fix it. 

But I don't know, it's just something has been on mind recently... Middle School... I thought I had moved on and barley even thought of it in 9th grade but now, everything reminds me of it, everything feels so similar yet so different, honestly... It feels like I'm in middle school again, but like oddly romanticized, like everything feels so nostalgic, I guess its because 90% of the people from my middle school are here now, the new freshman, and because I go to RCA (Rockdale Career Academy) (it includes people from all 3 highschools in my county) now I see people from middle school who went to different schools in my county.

I miss middle school. Which is something I never thought I'd say. I miss the building, I miss how simple everything was, I miss the people I used to talk to, I miss my OG friend group, I miss some of my friends. While yes High School is 1000% better (for me) I just miss it so much I don't know why. 

There was this guy I used to talk to on the bus during middle school, I can't say names ofc cuz privacy and I'm not trying to have him read this. But lets call him "5555555555555" oh okay well nevermind he is 100% gonna know who I'm talking about.  he's technically me neighbor and rode my bus in middle school, he never moved so he's on my route now, he's a freshman and I'm a sophomore. But like I remember when we used to be a bit closer, and then I don't know what happened but he changed so much, he looks so different than I last saw him, hell he even ACTS different, apart of me misses the old him, I miss how easier it was to talk to him, I really wish I never took my time o talking to him for granted, maybe I'm just being dramatic, but I'm just scared, I guess I'm scared that he changed for the worst, and maybe I'm just scared he'll think I'm a weirdo like everyone else.

I mean idk he doesn't seem like he would, but I just can't shake the fear, and it scares me.

omfg this is going to sound corny LMFAO but uh, I also I think I grew feelings for him.

I don't know why but I feel so ashamed and disgusting and weird, I don't know why, honestly I don't know anymore. And yk what sucks, everytime I think of the past, I think of HIM, a reminder of how much changed, ugh it's so hard to get him out of my head.