digital diary??? i guess??? 12/8/2026

WARNING--- SUICIDE, ED, SH 

ive never done these digital diaries thing but im seeing a looot of people do it so i might as well. 

my cousins are coming over to stay at my house for 5 days and im fairly excited. im lgbtq in a very homophobic family (as in...my life is at risk if they find out) and my aunt and cousin knows im lgbtq so i feel safe with them. 

life has been so hard on me bro😔 i am under a lot of stress and am struggling with depression, an ED and suicidal thoughts which is...great. however i think my cousins coming over will be a good thing as I am planning on having a lot of fun with them for the 5 days they're here. 

i haven't been doing great. at all. i don't like admitting this to people close to me because lets be honest, i do complain about my life a lot. 

i tried attempting a few days ago but i was stopped. also having an SH addiction is stressful, especially in the summertime. when i was 11, my parents saw my scars and my dad freaked out and threatened to send me away. he also mocked me months after. but i've just gotten better at hiding it. 

i love my dad so much but i feel he doesn't love ME, he loves this version of me he has in his head (which is the complete opposite of me). to remain safe, i just play along with it, even if i'm actively betraying everything i stand for. 

well, you know what radiohead said. one day, i'm gonna grow wings. 

and so will all of you. 

stay safe!!