Disappointment

I didn't write yesterday cus I was really tired.. And I need to stop making excuses and actually start uploading daily. 

Well so yesterday I went to hang out with a friend. We went to a nearby lake with her foster mother and went stand-up paddling. Well, we both sat and she paddled while we talk. 

The two of us used to be insanely close back in 6th grade. We were both incredibly mentally ill (still are), and kind of found comfort in each others toxicity. We went different ways when I ended up going to a different school after 6th grade and she repeated a year. She now goes to a school for mentally ill and I go to a "better" kind of school. Not private school or anything, in Germany students get separated based on their academic achievements after grade 6. I went to the best kind, she stayed in the worst, then the school for mentally unwell. 

I always find it a bit ironic. I learned to hide my mental illnesses for better chances, even though I'm completely giving up on myself. She learned to confide in others, and get help. 

It was clear yesterday that while catching up she's doing much better than me. I'm happy for her. 

After going home I told my mother about this convention like thing happening nearby where I wanted to go, and we decided to go. I got into my only cosplay I own (Kyoka from Bungo stray dogs) and I honestly only wanted to go with the hopes of finding some merch of genshin, since it was advertised as this massive thing, and I figured there would be genshin too cus a genshin cosplay was also used in the advertising. 

There were 20 people and a stage... That's it. A cosplay competition and a Japanese learning course and that's it. For the fact it was advertised this big it was really disappointing. But I had to wait for my mother to pick me up, so I sat on the bathroom floor and waited. The stalls were incredibly clean some how. 

After that we got some pizza and headed home. I went to sleep rather early because I didn't feel so well. Today my grandmother and uncle visited, we ate lunch and ice cream and I spent most of the remaining day lazying around. Got some groceries for my birthday cake for my upcoming birthday, and I got my stupid period. 

Ever since my very first period at 10 years old I've had it on my birthday every single year. And this year again. 

I put one of those heating plasters on and I'm waiting for it to start working to help my cramps a bit. I think ill start rewatching Bungo stray dogs before heading to sleep. 

-Angel