Does anyone feel intense shame when trying to journal?(vent)

I know this is a common occurrence within childhood and having a journal/diary, so if anyone has found ways of negating these feelings i would appreciate any advice. ദ്ദി´ ˘ `)

I recently watched a video about how to journal without fear of someone violating your privacy, and it really hit me hard (one of my canon events lol)because when i was younger I had a diary/journal where i would write about anything, new friends i made at school, pets i would want, any internal thoughts i had about anyone or anything(I was nine so nothing weird or about finding myself). 

And one time i was at taekwondo and was practicing my high roadhouses and i was practicing with this really tall boy he was probably 13-14, and i knocked his glasses off his face(also didn't break his glasses)and i was so proud of myself and my progress in the class that i was able to knock the glasses off of someone so much taller and bigger than me. 

So when i got home i started writing basically the events of the day and gushed about how well i did and how cool everyone in the class was and how well everyone was doing, which was mostly boys that's just how it was at the time. So I'm praising everyone in the class and my last entry was about the boy i was practicing with, how cool he was, how tall he was and how i almost hit him in the head, how he was kinda dumb for holding the pad wrong so i almost kicked him right in the face. I go to school the next day i get home and my journal is not where i left it, i asks my parents if my brother got it my room because why would they mess with it i go everywhere with them they were there when the main event of my journal happened.

So instead of saying anything about my performance in my classes or basically saying anything emotionally level with a nine year old's diary entries. I blocked out most of what they said but what i do know is how i felt so gross and shameful and perverse about how i must want to date that boy or any of the boys in my class. Do you like them that's not age appropriate, you're to young for dating, why would you write about them like that if you didn't like them? 

Because i wrote about how cool they were in my class i thought everyone in my class were cool, we were cool. My teachers were cool did i like them too? It fucked me up bad, i didn't trust how i felt about anyone even myself. So that night i ripped those pages out and tossed the journal, and i didn't write any of my feelings down for ten years, i bottled it up until i would freak out, get punished for freaking out, emotionally shut down for a while, and repeat the cycle until i was about 15. When i could self-regulate enough to not freak out. 

I'm 18 now and I'm better, even writing about the event i have a knot in my stomach, I'm going to try and journal again it took a decade but its progress. Now that I've processed through this whole event it reminds me of the meme that says "How strange it is to be anything at all." I wasn't doing anything wrong and yet i was shamed for it so deeply it changed how I treated my own emotional wellbeing my whole childhood. Until i could unlearn it and treat myself better. I assume they were reading it the whole time i had the journal. I live in the same house with the same people, I still feel fear and shame expressing my 'negative' emotions in writing, like I'm writing my fate in stone. And if anyone finds it I'm nine years old again. But I'm going to try.