Don’t Fail Me… Please Don't

So I finally got an offer to be… I’m actually not sure…

A market finally took some sort of interest in me & I said I wanted full time… they said part time

I said cashier… they say they’re full a day after the interview & said bakery & deli

I honestly am just confused on what I’m supposed to be doing & knowing I would much rather be a cashier but I’m taking this role out of desperation.

Now when I was in 12th grade, for maybe 10-20 days a month, I wouldn’t be able to sleep or I’d get maybe 4 hours if I’m lucky. I thought it was the stress from school, the fact that it starts at 7:45, or maybe that I would get up at 5 am.

But apparently that isn’t it. It was more than a school thing. It's currently 6 am & have I gotten any sleep? No. Same thing happened when I had an interview there which makes no sense to me because I have a good amount of time to get ready, I don’t even have to get up until 9 am, etcetera, etcetera, blasé.

I used to talk to my 9th grade teacher a lot about this issue & he said that I might collapse someday. I’m kind of scared of that happening, especially since it would be crazy for this to be the first time. What if I’m outside & I just fall asleep on my way to the market or I fall asleep as I’m training.

I had a feeling this would happen & again I end up not sleeping. I honestly think that if this goes horribly, I might just do remote work, which I actually don’t want to do, because being away from people would worsen my social anxiety. I’m finally getting tired so hopefully I can wake up in 3 or 4 hours which even then I’m not getting enough sleep.