Drained //

Summer is ending and instead of relaxing i had to go visit my mom in Arizona, Now i love my mom she’s my hero she done so much for me and i am grateful and appreciative. 

But i genuinely think she doesn’t love me anymore and completely gave up on me ever since i moved with my dad, she completely favors my sister more than me and it sucks that i am thinking that by it’s to the point where it is true.

I wanna be able to talk to my mom more but she genuinely always short texts me with stuff even if i tell her im going through a rough time in my life and need some advice to make my week a little less shitty.

i told her i wanted to hangout with her and go somewhere she replied with “you dumbass i tried doing that with you last week but you said you were too tired” and i admit i was tired and i regret it now that i didn’t go where she went with my sister. 

i asked her why did she needed to yell at me and call me a dumbass, and this really broke my heart when i heard it i was trying to laugh it off.

she said “because you are irritating me and your annoying” 

my heart genuinely sank i felt it so bad and i didn’t want to say anything but i was so hurt in the moment, i love my mom still but i genuinely don’t know how to feel after all of that. 

i ran into my room that i was staying in and i genuinely cried my eyes out i didn’t know how to handle it and today my mom didn’t want to apologize or ask how i was doing. 

and by tomorrow i know if i go on that plane i’m just gonna miss her even more im tearing up as i write this i don’t want my mom to think of me less i hardly get into arguments with my mom and if i do i always feel guilty and apologize to her and i make sure i hug her and tell her im genuinely sorry.

she doesn’t even say i love you back to me she gives me a little “mhm” and i don’t understand what i did wrong to deserve this i try my best to help around the house so she notices me.