Embarrassing

i don't know how to accept that coding will only ever be a hobby for me. Like theres jusg no wait I could ever get good enough to do it for work I don't think. Like even if I went to school. But on to of that everyone keeps telling me not to go to school for it just yeah it to my self... but like idk what skills jobs want or where to start. On top of that still I kinda suck at school. Like I get the concepts, I just like always end up burning out really fast. BUT im on meds now.... so I kinda think its worth it to try again? However by new job might be too much for me to do school on top plus? How would I afford it... fafsa is only four years how many classes would I need to take? I have so many questions but in the end it's just embarrassing for me cause its foolish to think i could ever be good enough!!! I find being foolish embaressing even though it's a natural party of life