Entry #1

i dont think i have ever had a blog before ? or even really journaled so im not super sure what to even talk about for my first one. summer has mostly been work and prepping for uni....which i guess could be a start ?

well, first off, university has been such a rollercoaster of an experience and even emotions. im going into my last semester (finally) on the 24th and it feels bittersweet in a way ? which is crazy to me considering i discovered week one into uni that school isnt for me but because i grew up so academically, school has been all i have ever known....and the idea of not being in school anymore kind of scares me in a way. im an off campus student, which is great till u realize ur really just a loser with no social skills and an insane need for academic validation from ur family. took me 2 whole years to even make a single friend which sounds so lame but theyre really nice at least. im not personally super close to them which makes me a lil sad but its not the worst thing in the world and we make an effort to hangout when we can and at least talk to each other when we see one another around campus. professors are usually super nice and extra lenient which was a lil shocking considering my hs teachers said a lot of bs wasnt gonna pass in uni (spoiler alert: they did and more, one of my profs literally canceled class cause she wanted to dilly dally in the snow) but its honestly nice for a change. feels like im basically on the same level of my profs, with an obvious boundary, but my film profs especially just really want to see me succeed and are literally the kindest people i have ever had the chance to meet. 

on the off side, literally my freshman year of uni i get a shit gen ed class and prof who was senile and hated every single student in our class and a stalker all in the first week of school which sucked cause how do you even go about handling that ??? not to mention all the clique-y people in the film department, the gen ed profs that take their jobs WAY too seriously, the endless amount of slurs that have been thrown my way at night, all the calls ive had to make to my friends while walking to my car at night as well for my safety, being full on grabbed by a man in broad daylight, and having my ass grabbed in a room full of people at a cinema department event which...i feel like im still processing to this day. all those experiences and then some that i havent even mentioned on top of the need for academic validation, multiple health issues, and getting a single bad grade causing my depression to spiral at any given moment really just...does...not....mix well T-T

i dont super like talking to my friends about everything too just cause...im the youngest sibling, youngest in most of my friend groups, pretty much never leave my house unless i absolutely have to....i just didnt want anyone to worry about me or my safety cause at the end of the day i know i can take care of myself. not to mention, i just feel like its not worth mentioning and worrying them after the fact cause the situation has already happened and/or been delt with. n e ways....my shift at the arcade is ending soon and i dont have much else to say for now so i guess ill just go ahead and leave it there....until next time xXx