Entry #2

wowww, long time no chat....been a while hasn't it. i am currently procrastinating doing homework while being bored at work. just really not in the mood to do it. just wrapping up my 3rd official week of classes though which have already been quite the rollercoaster. my professors are super nice, i love them so much....well, except one of them...he's quite odd and not in the pervy way but....just something about him is...off ? he also endorses ai which is very weird to me considering you're not just a film professor but ur in a creative field so ?? i finally have a group for my other film class though which is great cause i was just gonna record something mediocre and ask one of my classmates name on it so i can avoid working with anyone. mostly cause i'm bad at talking, but also because i hate being an inconvenience to people and their time. surely i can get a bunch of stuff on my own though; i do still need to figure out wtf i'm doing for the damn thing as well. i digress, i did a short series on my ig reels for a while, for my close friends list sure but i thought it would be more interesting to bring here so i could go a bit more in depth and talk about the wonders of my mind. 

todays topic: being agnostic

now, growing up, i was never brough up super religious. i faintly remember going to church a few times before the age of 5 but it wasn't a super consistent thing. wasn't even till i hit like middle school that i was curious about that kinda thing. i remember asking my parents what i was and them just saying "whatever you want to be" and that was pretty much that. now it would have been easier for my parents to just speak on their religion and say i was that but honestly speaking, i love that my parents let me go into and discover a lot of things and beliefs for myself. i never felt like i fit in a specific box either, no specific religion ever jumped out at me, more so if anything, only really confused me. i went through a long journey, researching different religions, beliefs, all of them having some parts i believed in but always missing something or maybe being against another one of my beliefs, constantly in a battle of sorts. in high school, i finally discovered the term agnostic and have never felt more seen.

i have always believed in god but i also believe in the idea of other gods out there from different religions, as well as Greek mythology, gods and goddesses, reincarnation, and a whole arsenal of different other things to do with the topic as well as spiritual beliefs that i continue to hold close to me. it also helped me feel...normal (???) in a way as i'm a witch, and i feel so much comfort within this realm. now, for those that are unaware, just because i have all these beliefs, doesn't mean i can tell you for a fact that each and every single one of these things within my belief system is true, also basically the whole point of being agnostic. don't mistake my beliefs for the majority either as not all people that are agnostic hold all the same beliefs, though the only thing that holds true is that none of us can prove that any of our own beliefs are indeed correct for a fact. i am grateful to have finally found something that i feel fits me so perfectly in a way, having grown up the way i did, it was really quite frustrating at times but i realize now that i am older that i am so so so so so so so grateful for my parents. i really think they did such an amazing job at raising me into the person that i have become today and i feel like everything has only lead me to become so much more knowledgeable in a various amount of areas that may not be needed on one had, but i personally find to be quite useful, even if it's just the knowledge i learned from the smallest thing along the way. i think one of my biggest fears is being misunderstood as well and i feel like having the mindset from discovering who i am, i will forever be the type to do my best to look into and research whatever i can as to not misunderstand anyone else who's path may cross mine.

i do think it's beneficial for everyone to not only explore their own religion, but also others as to not only further their education but maybe even get closer to their own or maybe even discover that their beliefs align with another. i also just think being socially aware of many different cultures, religions, customs, etc is beneficial always cause you never know who u r gonna meet and i also just think the information can be interesting and help to open ur brain up to so much more that is out there. i think the overall main goal in life is to be so disgustingly educated in anything and everything u possibly can be educated in, in order to further our understanding of anyone who may cross anyone else's path. none the less, it seems that this is all the time i have left for today, till next time xXx.