I'm writing this out of pure boredom and i want to ask a question:do people really care about themself?
Let me explain.In these last weeks I feel like I only care about other people's ideas.I know it's wrong but I can't help it.Most of the things that I do is for other people's approvation.
All the comics that I read,all the album I listen to,the food I eat,how I dress,how I speak,how I text people etc.
Lately I want to get rid of this habit but it's really difficult,so I'm gonna ask you,do you care about yourself?
On this website I see a lot of cool people who plays guitar,skates,have a big book collection etc. and I'm really amused because I can't specialize in anything and that makes me feel uncomfortable about myself.It's like I'm wasting my teenage years and I hate this feeling because it's like something is haunting me over and over again.
I can't really have an hobby,the only things that I do willingly is like playing videogames,doomscroll or go training boxing.I tried to do things that I found cool but my brain just stop learning after a while.
This brings me to do thing against my will and then blame myself.
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Gaiety_and_Insanity
It might be because you're tying your self worth to what other people think of you, rather than what you think of yourself. (I am only speculating I am probably wrong)
I would suggest forcing yourself to do something (like draw maybe) and just see how you feel about it. Don't show the drawing to anybody or draw what you think somebody else would like, just vomit something on the page to try to see what you feel about it. You can then try this method with other stuff to find out what you like and don't
I already tried,but nothing works because my parents always walk into my room every 5 minutes and I don't really have time alone,even if I love spending time alone.Sometimes I go for a walk but the extreme heat and the lot of car that there are in the streets makes me so uncomfortable.
On the 3rd of November I have to go to a psychologist for some mental issues caused by being bullied,bulimia nervosa and disasters in my family.I think maybe my issue is caused by decade of being bullied,I don't know.
It's like I don't like doing anything,and when I think about it I feel like I'm in prison because there's nothing you can do about it.
I don't know if it's depression or other things but I hope not.
I always look at people that have a passion,a future or maybe are spending a lot of time having the best years of their life,and then I look at myself,I have nothing and if you think about it I'm a really boring person,so I look at other people to see how you have to live your life and then prison myself into my room.(Cried a little LOL).
by Tonyno; ; Report
Oh, I see. Well, in that case, try to have more mercy on yourself. Your brain is having to put all your energy into just staying alive, so it makes sense you don't have the energy for much else. The way I always see it is that I'm surviving hell so that I can pay my way into a better place with time.
One day, you'll be out. One day, you'll be alone. One day, you can live somewhere cold. But that's only going to come with time, and time spent suffering is still time spent
by Gaiety_and_Insanity; ; Report
Appreciate that,I wanted to say thank you for listening to me and helping me pass this bad period!
by Tonyno; ; Report