Cutting skin isnt as easy as everyone makes it out

Hi, I'm Naomi, and the wind will always go in the wrong direction. 

I live in a small town in the Balkans, with my mother, father, sister and grandpa. Life has been depressing lately. I've joined this site so i have something to leave my life on.

I don't know what I'm looking for, maybe a place to store my thoughts, under a fake name and a fake place of residence so nothing gets tied to my name, so nothing upsets people I love.

 I may quit sometime soon but if i dont then i may kill myself soon. 

All my life i tried to make friend by explointing myself, and since this year i came close with the fact that i will always be a loser. 

Ever since my dads accident nothing has been the same. Its like everything has been split into parallel lines, the Before and After. The before was fun, i didnt really know my dad, he was always out working and i was at home. 

The day i came into my mothers car after school in 5th grade will be the day my life changed 4ever. Everyone was quiet, my grandfather wasnt there but my sister was sitting in the front seat and my mother was looking out the window. 

I was happy, because of a meaningless reason that day, but when they told me my father may die, i was so unhappy i couldn't breathe, all the ride home i spent crying.

One year later i got diagnosed with chronical OCD. I dont want to get treatment. And im not going to

What if, im ever left alone, what will i do to myself, i imagine my suicide so much it feels like ive already experienced it. 

So I was Naomi, in case you forgot my name, and this is my therapy.