Mental health ⊹ ࣪ ˖

This is my first blog ever. I'm used to writing about my feelings on paper, but this is different. My life has changed for the better and worse; friends I had in high school have rekindled their relationships with me. Apologies and laughs were shared, and I was happy, very happy, but that's not why I'm writing this; no matter what I do, no matter what I accomplish, I still feel sad or, sometimes, in even worse times, nothing at all. It infuriates me; I want to be happy. I want to complete tasks that everyone else can without it feeling like I'm climbing up a mountain; I just want to be normal, and my girlfriend, my sweet girlfriend, has to deal with a fuck-up like me, a mistake. I shouldn't think of myself as such, but it's the truth; I haven't been the best person to anyone, not even myself. Everyone around me likes to mention that I'm a good person, but I don't see it. I don't see it in their eyes; all I see are scars and baggage from all the years I let people take advantage of me. I'm angry—so angry at everyone, especially myself. I'm sad and so, so empty; I just want to get better. I want to be better, but it seems as though the task is light-years ahead of me. I need help, I know, but I don't know how to get it. I'm trying, but no matter what, I feel like I'm falling behind.

D3ad.

2:05a.m Wednesday, April 29th, 2026