bepop?

i think i dreamt about you in that same situation and my breath hitched and my eyes grew wide in surprise and confusion and frustration as i pulled you into my arms to hug you, the horrifiying sensation overwhelmed me and then i woke up

i would be lying if i said i wasnt affected at all.

i thought that maybe this was easier than last time, is it really? i don't really know, i barely have time to think about what i feel and how i feel and why

i still have the photos we took in that booth in my backpack, i looked at them in class, in my home and while i traveled, i almost wanted to cry every time i looked at them.

I don't have the heart to throw them, at all.

i looked at the house you made of that album we both love of that band which bandmates we're still matching profile pictures. "You could make hell feel just like home"

Maybe that's why i wasnt drowning in my misery, well, actually, i was, it was just that i was holding your hand while i did and it all felt a little less terrible.

it's crazy that a month ago we were still together, that we still shared a lot together, it all went down too quickly for my own liking. 

i remember we talked about who was who in that show of an angel and a demon, i didn't want to be the angel, you know, just to be the cool one and shit, and i even took a test to see who would be chosen for me. It was the angel.

I didn't tell you because i thought it'd be funnier if i told you later. now i can't tell you, but you're right with every video you repost. i only wanted to make things right. 

The only unaccurate thing is about the music, bepop. i think you're that one in that case, bepop kind of music, i would've said always "ah, you won't like it" about those other artists you barely even know that exist. 

my heart races and breaks as i hear that song i begged you to listen to while i did the two guitar parts because i'm a perfectionist and i wanted it to be perfect.

"and in saying you loved me made things harder, at best"

should i be shocked by the last thing you said? 

It's fine, i get it, you didn't want to hurt yourself over and over, i wouldnt want that for you either. 

I know i wrote this at some point, and i did on one of those letters i gave you, but i'll say it again. I'll always look out for what's best for you. 

(No, not for us, for you)

you could always rely on me, i could always rely on you.

Ive been thinking about May, i have a recess, i think i told you about it. would it be too stupid if i escape? i think it'd be the first and most stupidest thing Ive ever done for someone. 

I'm almost 20 yet i feel like i'm 16 almost all the time. i'm so tired. i thought it'd be easier for me once i reached this point, it isnt. at all.

would you call me one time so i can cry a little over the phone with you and maybe it'll feel like i'm holding your hand while i drown in my misery? like old times. 

don't be scared. where will i find my g? nowhere but on your arms, honey. 

we both know we see eachother in them, can't help it, right? so don't be scared, you're not the only stubborn one between us.

Even bepop music reminds me of you.

04th May 2026