my experience with greening out/getting too high

So idk if i actually greened out because i didn't throw up, maybe i was just too high? anyways storytime 

So its the summer holidays and im at my friends house hanging out with three of my close friends. these friends all smoke quite often so im usually there when they are smoking and they always offer me some but i don't really partake in that stuff so i normally decline. this particular day though, i didn't have work, it was nice chill vibes and i just thought hey why not? BAD IDEA. it was my first time ever smoking out of an actual glass bong, i don't think i had eaten/had much water, and i had recently started medication for my adhd. it was also SO hot in my friends room. so recipe for disaster. 

So im sitting there and im thinking hey i feel fine this is chill this is fun until i suddenly feel like im stuck and cannot speak or move my limbs. im thinking hmm this isnt that fun anymore but im also trying not to freak out because im scared that if i freak out im going to freak out more and more yk? i then convince myself im in a lucid dream and im going to be trapped in this lucid dream forever but because i "figured out" that im in a lucid dream i can save myself because im like one of the "chosen ones". ??so i come to the conclusion that the only way to save myself is to get up and go to the bathroom. 

So im walking through my friends house and my visions blacking out/maybe it was me blinking i actually dont know lmao and i make it to the bathroom. im staring into the mirror trying to calm myself down and trying to put cold water on my hands but my hands keep glitching?? i decide to leave the bathroom, im grabbing onto the handle and pulling the door open when CRASH. i slam into the wall of the hallway in front of me and slide down until im lying on the floor. in this moment i am so so so confused i cannot tell whether or not i had genuinely just fallen over im trying to stand up i have no idea whats going on (i have no idea how long i was on the floor for lmao) i eventually manage to get up and go back to my friends room but it took me ages because her house had turned into a maze. 

As i walk back into the room apparently i reach my hand out and i keep saying stuff like guys its okay im coming back soon guys touch my hand its ok??????? i can see the music melting off the walls and the lyrics sound like another language, my friend turns it off and gives me water and tells me to lie down, they start watching youtube and the video feels like it goes on for eternity and i cant understand what anyone is saying, im watching me and my friends from third person and my tongue is a beached whale? i then believe im dying and am convinced im going to hell and then im freaking out because i don't think i deserve to go to hell? then i start REALLY freaking out because i heard like an ambulance or somethings siren, and i thought that "in reality i had a seizure and im in an ambulance going to a hospital and im in so much shock that it feels like im still lying on this bed" ???? i felt like i was on a time loop. after about an hour i felt the strength to speak and all i could say was "crackers" in the quietest voice possible, i then managed to absolutely destroy two boxes of crackers. i felt better after that and then i was fun giggly high. 

Idc if it sounds dramatic that was genuinely the scariest experience of my life and i haven't smoked since. what i find so funny though is my friends said they had no idea i was freaking out because on the outside i was just sitting there with a big smile on my face and whenever i would look at one of my friends i would just smile. omg thats another thing, i felt like all of my friends had merged into one but there were three versions of them/i felt like i was communicating with them telepathically? i also felt like i had lost my soul. when i woke up in the morning my neck was sore from falling but i was lowkey happy because that gave me like confirmation that i actually did fall over lmao. 

That was my storytime, if you read the whole thing, thank you very much :) 𖦹 

There were actually some good things about this experience though, like i used to struggle really badly with DPDR, and this kind of made it go away for a while/made it easier to deal with? because when i was "greening out" i felt the most not real i ever have in my whole life so now everytime i "don't feel real" i can compare it to me greening out in my mind and i think it makes me feel more like grounded? idk how to explain it outside of my head into words lol. 

 bye bye ☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩