Since I'm posting this at night, I'll get to decorating it tomorrow. But my priority is cleaning my room... so.... enjoy my newest blog for this week before I get run over by school!
Today my mother and I returned to the same marina my father took me to. The first thing I noted was the wind and the merciful temperatures. Such qualities ease me... I just love it when the weather is nice on my body(otherwise, I just pass out...). Waiting for my mother to exit the car, I just stood there, making myself aware to another noise out in the distance. Out there, way out there, were boats parked between the docks. There were a lot of them, and I adored the sound they produced when they swayed alongside the wind (Or is that even possible? Upon further research, I found out that the metal clasps/ropes produce a sound analogous to beer bottles clinking against each other. It's a very satisfying windchime to me).
There were two areas I normally liked to visit. One was a dark brown, wooden bridge that provided the view of the bay. I liked the way it groaned under my careful footsteps(careful because my mind keeps replaying scenarios where I fall in). It was especially beautiful at night, being able to see the stars due to the lack of light pollution. A beautiful spiderweb of constellations! Near water! What a bonus!
I mean, there was a lamppost nearby... but even with that warm, dim lighting, I felt strangely accompanied by someone other than my mother. It's always singular, dim light sources in 'dreary' areas that make it comforting to me. Imagine it. Areas that are made to make you feel alone and disoriented, but a singular light source/something out of place gives a sense of.. what, clarity? (Yes I am a sucker for liminal spaces) At least on this side of the marina, I could think and ponder to myself... or meditate. Everyone else who visits that side does the same.
I favored the other side, because it's a way for me to think and socialize at the same time. That's something I recently discovered about myself. Not only did the sand and rocks crunch under your feet but you could really hear the waters gently slapping against the docks and rushing in-between the gaps of the rocks below them... I think I could talk about that emerald faced water all day. They came towards us in tiny rip lets. When you looked from afar, the movement of the waves formed patterns synonymous to those green, rolling hills far away from where I live. Observations like these only got stronger the more time I spent reading and being in the house all the time. Going outside often shocks me into a state of absentmindedness, in a way. I feel like I'm merging with nature so much that I lose the primary objective for today. (Perhaps it's time I go outside more. I should be a dictator to myself about socialization)
It was a form of entertainment, to watch the fishermen at the edge of the platform reel in what they've caught. I felt like them too, even though I've never tried fishing before. It must be exciting, wanting to know what you've caught. It takes a lot of patience, so that's why I also liked sittin on benches behind them, internally rooting them on. I decided to be a little more daring today and tiptoe around unstable rocks til' I got close, really close to the waters. Perched atop a square shaped rock, I dipped my hands into the water for a good 10 minutes at best . I also drew a heart in the sand and filled the outline with rocks. At the end of the area laid these two, fully grown trees whose abundance in branches and leaves provided enough shade to sleep under for a few hours. They were spaced away from each other, to the point where you could tie a hammock between them.
I met a plump, white couple lounging in the chairs they brought to monitor their white yorkie taking a swim near the shore. My gaze landed on the beer in the husband's hands, and that was all I needed to see in order to approach him. An awkward start, of course, from the man's perspective; what could a teenager possibly want to talk with him about?
"Can I help you?"
"Do you have beer caps?"
"What?" He asked. I could see his brows furrowing in confusion.
"I collect them." I elaborated. I started to avoid eye contact the moment his tone shifted from confusion--to even more of that, I didn't want to appear too weird. "I just.. think they're cute."
To my relief, the innocent explanation softened his confusion into .. amusement, I think. He turned to his wife, then back to me. I extended my open palm under his outstretched fist, which to my surprise.. dropped 7 beer caps!! My initial timidity transformed into excitement. I gave him 3 thank you's that day and ran off to my mom to show her my collection. She was never amused as I was when it came to my activities(especially if they're 'unclean') but I didn't mind.
"You're going to wash those AND your hands before we get in the car." She commanded.
"I think observing the most prominent beer brands buried in the sand give me insight on the people around me."
"Well, you're not suggesting we give random strangers beer based off a silly demographic, now are you?"
I was.
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(It is near 12 pm. I am getting sleepy.. so... this section may seem a little wonky)
Before we went home, we decided on dinner before we slept. We went to a supermarket with absurd lines. I decided I'd go explore as my mother waited for the lines to clear up. Secretly, I tried to search every nook and cranny of that place. But I was scared of being caught by the staff, so instead I just stopped when I assumed I was going too far or when there were too many people. Passing through salons, martial arts classes, and real estate businesses lead me to a dead end. It looked eerie. Again, the lighting itself plays a big role on the atmosphere. The rooms were unoccupied and completely dark. When I looked to the right side of the hallway, there was some random staff member sleeping in the corner with cardboard below him. I felt pity for him. I don't even know if this is a normal occurrence for workers, but I still felt bad that he still had to work despite seeming so tired.
I left as soon as I saw him. I decided I would distract myself by engaging in a staring contest with one of the trinkets in the claw machine. I seemed to draw attention to a little girl with a big smile on her face, holding.. well, a lot of those trinkets. Before I could really say anything she handed me one. It was like... a mini needoh? Cute!
"Aw.. are you really giving this to me? But you earned it with your own money, didn't you?"
"I didn't pay for it." She replied, as if she was merely stating her own name... with that same, bright smile. Silence remained for a few seconds before I asked her how she got them in the first place.
"I just stick my hand in there." Oh. I couldn't help but laugh at the notion of a little girl stealing from a claw machine. It seemed so.. in character? It was typically stealing and cheating at the same time, but I didn't feel like snitching on a 7 year old. It was oddly wholesome to me. She then proceeded to unzip a pink purse wrapped around her arm to show me 18 more of the trinkets. That's when I realized why the machine had almost emptied out. She continued to giggle at my feigned surprise.
(ahh, i'm really sleepy... i think I'll finish this section tomorrow. I'm still posting it :p)
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Daily Fact: Saturn will lose its rings in approximately 300 million years. This is because the gravitational pull of Saturn draws the dust and ice particles into its surface, meaning that Saturn rains its own rings
...oh, let's add another one. why not?
Did you know that working out whilst in emotional distress(typically anger) can put you at a bigger risk for heart attacks? Being under emotional turmoil causes a spike in heart rate and blood pressure, decreasing blood flow to the heart. Because working out also requires the heart to pump faster and work harder, the conflicting symptoms could trigger it. Try breathing exercises/meditation before working out.
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Poem of the Day: An Evening Discussion - Chen Chen
What if we got a gun? I whispered
from my pillow to you on yours.
I’m so against it in theory, I continued,
but in practice, & these days …
Then I burst, became
a wave of laughter, & you joined me.
We were a tidal giggle. & then I felt a huge
wobble, some cosmic shudders, perhaps from
a god with skin problems
unresolved from adolescence.
Unreleased from adolescence,
childhood, I saw how I was spiritually
still in uncomfortable overalls & overall over
none of it.
You too, it seemed, as what you
then said was, What if
I became a bodybuilder? You said,
you spoke this to me
at normal volume like it was regular info,
like we were at Planet Fitness or in Galaxy
Muscle, not in our bedroom, our bed.
What if, you said, I bodybuilt so good,
so Arnold, to the point of the world turning
totally unhomophobic? Not
a speck of homophobia left, not one
subatomic particle a miserable
homophobe, the whole damn globe,
amazing, right?
& I said, Or I could become a stronger
writer, more cutting
in my musings, more ferocious
in my music?
In bed, in response, you looked at me
fondly, probably the fondest
you’ve ever looked at me, & said, Baby.
You will. But how about we do both?
Both? I asked. Writing & bodybuilding?
Writing, you said, & the gun.
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Music of the Day
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