Rant

Hey,  I’m K.W, call me K or find something else to call me I don’t really care much, if it’s something hurtful I will otherwise idc. I don’t really want to bother introducing much right now so I’ll get to the point. Lately I’ve felt suffocated by any pressures / obligations I already have or ended up creating for myself. I’ve done highland/Scottish dance for 10 years, I do competitions now and I’m getting too busy. I have two classes a week, sometimes dance things on weekends and this weekend I have dance 3 days straight from the 4th to the 6th for a big event. If you look on my profile you’ll see I like Minecraft, and if you’re in the Minecraft community, you might know of a thing called SMPs (survival multiplayer) where everyone gets on a big server and plays. Sometimes it’s just for fun others are where you can play a character or your own character. A QSMP based smp is a whole other world, they have admins playing eggs, which the players take care of like children typically doing tasks to keep the 3 lives that eggs have. On two servers I play two different eggs, those servers are basically dead right now and I feel obligated to play on them and others where I’m the player and feel obligated to get on because of the eggs. The online friends I’ve accumulated on those smp feel more like an obligation. Theres this one person, Akuma. He’s really cool, funny and handsome (platonically of course) for awhile now I’ve really wanted to be his friend (this is based off of discord btw and yes I know you’re probably thinking eww discord mod!!! I promise I’m not a freak) no matter how much I dm him which isn’t often actually, I NEVER get a response back. Which makes me really mad, it’s been two months since my last dm, not one reaction, dm back or indication that he saw it and it’s been consuming my thoughts. It really upsets me honestly. With school ending I’ve been struggling and stressing to hand homework in but I can never seem to get myself to start the work. And with graduation coming up (8th grade) I’ve been panicking more and more wondering if I’ll get held back in high school and wondering if there’s something wrong with me because I can’t get work done. Everyone gets on my nerves and I’m ready to start crying.