I fell in love with my friend

At the end of my senior year of high school, around May this year, I confessed my feelings for my friend, and we secretly hooked up for a couple months afterwards. We were supposed to be casual, "friends with benefits", but I kind of fell in love with him. I think I might have already been in love with him, which is shitty of me because I dated his best friend, which was why we had to keep it entirely secret. 

We went off to different colleges, and we've barely talked in months. I blocked him in July but realized after a week or so that I'd rather have any of him than none of him. He just texted me a couple days ago after I thought we may never speak again. I didn't think he still thought about me at all. 

I have this hope that we'll go to the same grad school. We're at different universities for undergrad but maybe we'll reunite in a couple years. There was a point when he said he wanted to transfer to my school, and despite knowing that he's much better off where he is, I've selfishly been hoping he considers it again. I don't want him to be gone from my life. I've known him since middle school, and if I'm being quite honest with myself, the only time I haven't loved him was before I knew he existed. 

I don't know how anyone doesn't fall in love with him the second they meet him. And I had the privilege of making love to him. I thought I'd get over him once I moved into college, but it hasn't happened yet. I have other romantic interests, but I just compare them to him. Eventually it'll happen, I'll get over him and be in love with someone else. I suspect he's already smothered with his own new romantic prospects; he's really hot. 

Whatever. If you see this, I love you. You won't see this.