Im so jealous of people who’ve been abused. No matter how much i tell myself “thats not cool” or “thats just because you feel your trauma isnt valid” i cant stop getting so incredibly unstable over that thought.
My friend vented to me about their sexual abuse and i got this disgustibg feeling of “i wish that happened to me”
I get so jealous and angry when i hear about others being abused but not me.
I hate feeling like this!! Plus im a weirdo, i have some really huge obsession with abuse to the point im fantazising abt it.
Im against abuse, i think its disgusting but i genuinely cant stop wishing it’d happen to me.
Like wdym you’re depressed cause you were abused and im depressed cause im just a fucking tard
Comments
Displaying 14 of 14 comments ( View all | Add Comment )
s.c.o.t.t.i.e
To me it sounds like you want to feel valid in the trauma you went through. You may be trying to find ways to validate that trauma by wishing to go through more trauma instead of finding ways to validate the trauma you have already gone through. Alternatively, if you haven't been through any trauma, you may be wanting to fit in with the people around you and are wanting to be abused.
To me, it doesn't sound like you want to be abused, you want to fit in or find validation.
You are valid for whatever you have gone through, and no matter what it was your trauma is valid. You're valid in the trauma you are healing from.
I would recommend reaching out to a professional about these feelings, they will be able to help deconstruct these emotions and thoughts to find the root of why you may be thinking these things.
your message makes me tear up!! yeah i really do want to feel like i have an actual reason to be doing so horribly for so long.
i wouldnt say ive ever actually been through any trauma, i guess i could argue i've been emotionally neglected but even that is an overexaggeration
thank u for your words!!
by Keithinnie; ; Report
You're welcome!!
A professional would be able to deconstruct if you have been through emotional neglect or not. I'm a stranger and I don't know your story, so I can't say if you have or haven't been through emotional neglect.
However, going through something similar to emotional neglect, or not being supported enough can cause damage to one emotionally and mentally. So even if it isn't trauma, it does effect you in some way.
Mental health is an odd one, and I say odd because brains are weird. Someone could have the picture perfect life but if their brain is "unwell" to put it in a way, then they will still feel depressed, anxious, or even have rare disorders like schizophrenia.
Mental health diagnosis aren't always caused by an environment, some are but not all of them. Sometimes it genuinely is because the brain is simply not producing enough of serotonin, dopamine, or other hormones that are necessary to feel like a "normal" brain. When that happens it can cause a person to feel depressed, anxious, or generally unwell.
In short, what I'm trying to say is: your emotions are very much valid. Your environment could not be the cause but your brain could be. If it is your brain, that is perfectly normal and okay and happens to a lot of people. You are not alone in the way that you feel. The next best step would be to talk to a professional to talk about what's going on in your brain and get you on a better track of mental health.
I am sending you all my positive vibes and lots of well wishes!! Just keep on reminding yourself: you're valid, you're going to get through this, and most importantly you're very strong.
by s.c.o.t.t.i.e; ; Report
Ariadne ♡
from what you typed, it seems you don't want to be abused, you want the validation you think you will get from it, you want to be heard in other words. the human mind can make crazy things both good & bad, most of the time our feelings are more messy then we would wish
i hope you can go soon to a therapist/doctor who has a more in-depth knowledge on the topic
i hope so too and thanks for your words!!
by Keithinnie; ; Report
Always-Peachy-Casio555
you don't need bouts of trauma to be depressed, u definitely don't want to experience SA. I think you should talk to a profesional about your feelings of inadequacy.
agreed
by Ariadne ♡; ; Report
i have tried but im sort of stuck in a loop, plus the psychiatrist system where im at sucks a lot with therapy especially cause im a minor.
and ik i dont want to experience actual assault cause its horrifying, i more so just want the feeling that hey theres a reason why im doing so horrible
by Keithinnie; ; Report
Maeve McQueen
I'm sorry you feel this way. I'm a DV & SA survivor. I beg you, on my knees, to believe me when I say you do not want this. I'm envious of you, who has never experienced it. I wish I knew that kind of life. I wish I had that - for lack of a better word - privilege.
I'm 56 years old now. The first instance of abuse was in the 1970s. I still remember it. It follows you all your life. This is why I say, this is not something to wish for.
Be kind to yourself. Every day.
im so sorry that happened to you!! i hope you are doing a lot better now!
by Keithinnie; ; Report
Han.
Why do you want it like what does it make you feel?
I'm just trying to understand
i just feel really desperate for validation i guess, when i see my troubles and other peoples i feel really embarassed and like i dont have an actual reason to be depressed unlike others who have gone through so much more serious stuff
by Keithinnie; ; Report
Dust the mouse 🐁
LOL
by Keithinnie; ; Report