ran into my an ex at an event so now i gotta make it everybody's business

so i saw my ex yesterday at a public eventttt...

i can't even explain in a way that it's understandable enough how AFRAID i felt because that guy is a literal r–pist and was like so manipulative and emotionally abusive the entire time we were together so i basically ran away from him the second we locked eyes because YES WE MADE EYE CONTACT.

so now i'm going to rant about this cursed relationship i had with this guy <3

when we were together he was generally manipulative in a way that always made me feel guilty about getting sad or angry whenever he dismissed me or insulted me or stuff like that, one time he literally saw me crying on a video call and when we 'made up' ( by me apologizing for idk what reason.. ) he was smiling and chuckling so of COURSE i asked why he was doing that and he replied with 'oh it's just that you're awfully adorable when you cry'

the worst part is that i took that as a compliment ( i did NOT have any self respect at all.. )

another time we were flirting through texts and he suddenly said 'it would be so much more fun to tease you in public if you were a cis man' so OF COURSE I GOT SUPER ANGRY and guess what... HE GOT ANGRY BECAUSE OF ME GETTING ANGRY SO I HAD TO APOLOGIZE. YES. ME. I APOLOGIZED. AND MIND YOU HE IS A TRANS MAN TOO.

one of the things that left me the most like distrustful for a long time is that he had a girl best friend that he was eerily close with and THE ONLY TIME WE WENT OUT TOGETHER IN PUBLIC BTW BECAUSE HE DIDN'T LIKE BEING WITH ME IN PUBLIC we ran into a group from his school and PUSHED ME AWAY FROM HIM AS THEY NOTICED US. so obviously i just shuffle closer and give him a kiss and he gets all weirded out.. which hurt me but i didn't really say anything. and you might ask 'hey so what does this have to do with the girl best friend' BUDDY BOY LEMME TELL YOU SOMETHINGGGG... later that day he called me crying saying that everyone at his school thought he was CHEATING ON HER WITH ME. i told him to just clarify that ME. I. WAS HIS BOYFRIEND. and he had the nerve to say 'i just don't want people to pry into my private life, it's no use to try and clarify it anyway since it's a whole thing now' 

buddy.

I SCREAMED. 

well no i didn't scream but i got so mad i yelled at him saying 'what do you mean by that, I'M your boyfriend, she's just your friend, why would you even say that it's not worth it when it puts me in a position as if i were a home wrecker' and he started crying and hung up on me...

and yes, you guessed it.

I HAD TO APOLOGIZE FOR IT.

days before he decided to break up with me ( we will get there bare with me ) i went over to his house to have a date and like i said 'hey so i don't really wanna have sex today cause i'm feeling sensitive over being 10 months sober off self harm' and he got SO PISSED. i tried to force myself at first but started shaking and when he noticed he started crying so uuhhhh yeah i had to comfort him! yay! so now we were laying there in silence as he ignored me and basically he just started to pay attention to me once i started contact to have sex again and he forced me to be the more dominant person which i always stated i wasn't comfortable but anyway yea he got angry so i did it anyway yayyy..

there were many times he manipulated me by guilt tripping into having sex the way he wanted to be honest.

but anyway when he broke up with me he lied to me about his parents finding out we were together and like it felt very fake but I thought i was just paranoid, so the morning after i went over to his house to drop his things over and we started like arguing because as i was leaving he said 'it's better you leave not knowing the truth' and i TWEAKED. so we started arguing and like i told him 'you love me, right?' and he didn't reply SO I OBVIOUSLY TRIED TO LEAVE AND I SAY TRIED CAUSE HE WOULDN'T LET ME.

that whole scene was very weird cause he kept chasing me down as I walked around screaming at him about stuff which i admit i went a bit insane but also he kept pinning me to walls kissing me to shut me up and try to get me to do stuff..? 

the last time he got me up against a wall i got away and i'm not lying when i say he punched the wall at the exact spot my head was.. yeah so we argued a bit more and then i FINALLY GOT TO LEAVE and crashed out screaming at him from the street as i got into my dad's car 'cause yk he drove me there.

i missed him bad for about a month but like then i obviously realized hey so that was a very abusive relationship so yeah now I'm fine but running into him made me feel so anxious i felt like i couldn't breathe, thankfully my friend was there so he helped me calm down.

anyway thanks for reading all this stuff and if you wanna know more about my beautiful and very happy life stay tuned for new blogs lol.