02 - Waiter, please, an ADHD diagnosis!!

Hello everypony

Today I'd like to talk about a subject that has been bugging me for centuries, aka my currently non existent ADHD diagnosis.

I have been suspecting I have ADHD for six years now. 

At first, I was only a 14 y/o kid; we were also all quarantined in our houses because of COVID and we had online classes only, so one could argue it was obvious to struggle with attention and stuff during that time. For this reason, I tried to brush it off and I never did anything about it. I knew damn well that obviously it was a real issue - I mean, I presented a good amount of signs ever since I was a child so surely I was not faking it for attention or anything.

When I was 18, I asked my (now ex) therapist if she thought I may have ADHD: long story short, no because "having ADHD is not just stepping into a room and forgetting why you're there", and uhh let's be honest now, I did good in high school, so who even cares about how much I mask in order to do that good in school? Not to mention I was already quite a loner in my classroom and my therapist and parents already agreed to not get me a certification for another deficit i had for the same reason (="because then I would isolate myself even more").

Now I'm 20, soon to be 21, and I've switched therapist to one who, literally on our 3rd appointment, already clocked me with the "have you ever thought about having ADHD" thing - little did she know I already had evidence of tons of tests with results and related examples for each symptom i found in my history lol  anyways, she gave me another test (which could not however count as official diagnosis) and let's just say I aced it. However, she told me that once we know about the issue, we could treat it without needing an actual diagnosis, but that I could go for it in case I found it necessary for university accomodations and stuff.

NOW.

I have held on pretty decently for a whole year of university. But goodness is it hard!!!

I don't struggle with hyperactivity in the sense of always needing to physically move, but I surely need to always do something. Which, for example, in the context of university classes, leads me to start another thing (be it make a canva slideshow from scratch or just check my notifications on here) every time I'm bored and, consequently, I always miss half of the stuff from the lectures and when I "come back" down on Earth I can't even concentrate anymore.

I CONSTANTLY forget to do stuff. I have procrastinated an urgent call to the hospital for a week even with my mom telling me to call them at least twice a day. I just today washed my my medical garments after probably a week of not wearing them because they were all in the dirty laundry. Not to mention the amount of times I've had to ask my doctor for new prescriptions because I would procrastinate them until they expired (which is six months later). I wish I could give you more examples but again I can't think of any because I forget them way too efficiently apparently!!

And obviously I can't study either. If it's not an extremely interesting topic, it's genuinely PAINFUL to sit down and force myself to study. And since I don't want to study, I end up not memorizing anything anyway, so I just torture myself pointlessly!!!

These are just some examples of ADHD constantly making my life 3000 times harder for no valid reason. I hope you realize they're not the only symptoms I have. I was just making examples.

SO ANYWAY.

Since I kinda got tired, I decided I'll actually ask my therapist to please start moving the waters so I can get an official diagnosis. Some kind of medication would be ideal, but I know it's not that easy, so truthfully I'll already be content if I have a piece of paper that says "yes sir you have ADHD you're not making up your struggles all this time". 

The difficult thing, however, is actually... telling my mom...

you see, while I may seem like an adult to you, I still live under her roof and depend on her economically. Therefore, I definitely need her support or at least her knowledge before doing anything that is this important. However.....IT'S SO SCARY FOR SOME REASON!!!! Legitimately, the only reason why I'm procrastinating getting the diagnosis for so long, is that I still have to tell her that I even suspect I have ADHD.

I am a bit of a lost cause. 

Any kind of advice is very appreciated!!! Thank you for reading this far, and I'll see you in the next blog entry or whatever!!!