Log 2

Hello reader!!! Buongiorno, Guten Morgen, y Bom Dia!!!

It's been a few weeks since I've written anything. I'm not really sure what to put down. It's hard for me to write sometimes, because I often forget to acknowledge that not everything has to be perfect. I can literally write about whatever the fuck I want LOL!

In the weeks that have passed nothing seems to be getting better. Hope continues to occupy my heart although misery always seems to win. I am STILL trying to get a vehicle and things like this are hard when you're dirt poor. I'm looking for some second income so I can get away from the sweaty, stuffy, hotel at least. The weekly pay eats up checks and I'm not sure where to get a head start. Times is hard. But I've found small joys! Me and my girlfriend will go to the hotel outdoor pool and swim, eat sandwiches, smoke cigarettes, and chat. Maybe get a coke from the vending machine and watch the moon from the benches outside. Nothing is all bad when you're not alone. Everything is worse when you're alone. And I've spent most of my life alone. 

Thinking of my future keeps me positive. Gives me something to work toward. I get sad because of my situation, my weight gain, my dental issues, and a plethora of other problems that won't fix themselves. Although, as I've stated previously, It's not all bad. I have a job and I work in a restaurant type place, so I never go hungry. I have somewhere to sleep. It could be worse, but I try and try and try to see the upsides ALWAYS. Seems like every time I let my guard down there's a sort of devil or demon trying to take advantage of my sadness. 

All my wishful thinking will get me somewhere. It never hurts to have a dream, and it never hurt anyone to be joyful when they're not. I hope my dreams become real and I can do all the things that weren't gift wrapped and handed to me in life. I want to be someone. Not famous, I just want to be proud of myself one day. I want to believe with all my heart that this struggle isn't forever, and I will come out on the other side of things better, kinder and wiser and full of the love and patience I wasn't granted. 

Thank you for taking the time to read my heart on this page! 

You are loved! xoxo

-misosoup