A standstill

Hello everyone, I usually know what I want to say , but I really don’t know what to start with. I’ve recently broken up with my girlfriend of 9 months because my mental as too unbearable to be able to love her and be with her like she wants me to. Afterwards, I just let myself fall into this deep depression of just laying and not speaking, crying something or just being alone. Being alone has never hurt me it’s comforting to be honest but now it’s like everyone is carefully keeping an eye on me and it’s like I feel like I’m putting on a show to make sure they don’t think I’ll commit. I don’t know if that all make sense but yeah; me and my mom, my mom and I aren’t super super close I wish we were but not really. I feel as tho my mom knows I struggle really bad with my mental is trying to be better but idk. Side note my tears taste like metal idk if that’s what it’s supposed to or not uh help?

That’s really all I’m just struggling and trying to get a footing ig

Xoxo

D3ad