Life

Hey guys, been a while since I hopped on here lol.

It's not because I don't want to or that I don't think abut it, I'm just pretty busy now with school and clubs and things of that nature. I made a layout today, and I'll probably make more haha but that was the first one I've made in a while.

Anyways, being a Junior in HS this year, it's been pretty chill tbh, all my classes are pretty easy, but I have missed a lot of school due to sickness, so I have fallen behind a bit. But I should be able to make up my missing work. 

But sickness isn't the only thing getting to me, I have chronic depression, and though it is around all the time, there are waves where it gets worse. Most days I can deal with it and get through my emotions easily, but lately I've just been feeling so alone. My best friend moved to another town. I get to see her every now and then but it's just hard seeing her make all these new friends and have experiences we were supposed to have together.

But she's not the only friend I lost. Last year my other best friend got pregnant, but even before that she went to a different school so I never really got o see her, cause she also had other friends to hang out with. 

And a couple months ago, one of my closest friends dropped me, cause she felt she was better than me idk. I don't feel any kind of way about it because she made it easy to let he go before she left.

But it's just that I'm not that close with any of my friends that I have right now. I love all of them and everything, but I'm one out of 2 black people in my friend group and there's just certain things I can't talk to them about, because they wouldn't understand. And I don't particularly like the other black girl in my group. IDK I just feel like I don't have anyone I can actually talk to and it's hard, because I don't like talking about my feelings with other people to begin with, but now my best friends are gone.

But back to the Junior thing, I have prom his year and I lowkey don't feel very positive about it. I've never really thought about prom, like it's lowkey just another school dance to me, I like getting dressed up and everything but it's not important to me y'know? But I live in a small white town, and none of the white dudes here like black girls, because they're all country bumpkins, and even if they don't mind the idea of being with a black girl, they're weird about it. I don't care about having a bf or anything but it does bother me that if I wanted to have one that it would be so difficult. Honestly idk if I'm going to prom. I WANT to, but my friends are lame and I don't know if I'll find a date so idk man.

Sorry for the bum ahh update, but that's just whats up.