(This blog was originally posted on SpaceHey. I will be reposting the blogs I'm most proud of, to bring them new life.)
I used to hate the name I was given at birth, but recently I've just stopped caring.
I realized the main reason I hated it wasn't because of how it sounded, or how people never pronounced it right, or how it didn't reflect my identity... It was because of who was using it.
I've never had a good relationship with my family, and I was isolated for most of my life, so that name had a lot of baggage tied to it. I didn't like who gave it to me, I didn't like who called me by that name, and I didn't like being perceived through it, because it usually meant I was in trouble.Ā I was basically invisible to my family, until I did something wrong. Then I was suddenly a victim, but one who didn't get to have opinions, didn't get to speak, didn't have a personality. So that name became a threat, it didn't represent me as a person, but as something to deal with and punish.
Now that I've grown up, using that name out of convenience, I don't really mind it anymore. When people call me that name, they actually see me now, it's not a warning, it's an acknowledgement of me. That's all I really want in a name, I don't care about any other part of it. Though I have to admit the fact this name has been there this whole time, makes me feel a bit fondly toward it, even though I used to hate it for that.
This name ties all these parts of me together, I feel like it encapsulates every point of my life. Even if it was used by bad people, it was still used to recognize my existence. I would still take abuse and punishment over complete silence, and at least that name wasn't silent.
I used to change my name a lot, but that made me feel like people were never familiar with me. I want people to know who I am, I'm sick of changing all the time.
For the first time in my life I like my given name. People I love call me that, people who know me think of that name as me, and that's beautiful. I will be myself no matter what name people know me as, I decide what names become me, and how they define me.
Why I Revived my Dead Name
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Will !!!!!! :>
I UNDERSTAND THIS! except it was the opposite for me lol..Ā
for a long time after i detransitioned and changed my name back to my deadname, people still chose to call my by my old name, Will. Around that time i went by Will, it was just an overall bad time in my life along with being surrounded by bad people and i hated all association with that name. It took a lot of time passing and healing from the past for me to be at peace again with that name LOL, even though iām not trans anymore, I feel comfortable to go by that name again and now iām able to reclaim it almost as a name i picked myself for myself (if that even makes sense LOLOLL)
That's so beautiful, I love that. Whether a name is given or chosen, I think what gives it it's meaning is a combination of it's history, it's use in identity, and what it symbolizes to you
by Maxine; ; Report
CJ
your name grows with you. this was an awe inspiring blog and it really resonated, as someone who has felt so similarly for a long time. glad to read here about what you've overcome, it is inspiring.
I'm glad it resonated with you, and thank you for reading, it means a lot
by Maxine; ; Report