3/4/26

I remember only a few days ago I thought it was the end of the world. Now I’m feeling okay again, and it’s kind of weird. I always remind myself to never forget that things get better, but when I’m at the lowest of my lows I always seem to forget! I remember I couldn’t stop crying every night. I thought I was going to lose my girlfriend. Yet, I still walk her to every class and I still sit next to her at lunch and I still tell her my every thought and I still kiss her goodbye after school. I was ready to fall back into the isolation and the sadness, but I didn’t and I’m happy about that. I’m doing so much better and I’m handling things so much better and I’m proud and I’m confused at the same time. Like wow ok self growth. But even though I’m not as sad anymore, I still feel a lot of anger. I want to love my girlfriend loudly, but now I can’t. I don’t believe that there should be rules to love, I think God’s message is to love who you want to love. And I so happen to be in love with a person who happens to be the same gender as me. It sounds so minimal but it changes everything according to society. That’s just not fair. Anyways, I’m behind on a lot of school work and my mom tells me to clean my room every day and I can’t stop falling while roller skating around my block. I’m in a very loser point of my life right now. Speaking of roller skating, today while I skated I listened to the song Dear John for the first time in months. I listened to the live version, and it was amazing. It was really loud at the bridge because Taylor Swift is really extra so when she sang the word “fireworks” many fireworks were set off and the crowd went crazy and it violated my ears. Speak Now is really amazing, it’s the only Taylor Swift album I never really fully listened to. I should listen to it. Okay that’s it. Toodleoo!!

Songs to listen to:

Sink to the bottom by Fountains Of Wayne

Subterranean homesick alien by Radiohead

Back to the shack by Weezer

Asleep by The Smiths

Sweet Carolina by Lana del rey

Dear John by Taylor swift

Bodys by Car Seat Headrest

She by Greenday

“Are you locked up in a world that’s already been planned out for you? Scream at me till your ears bleed.” — Green Day

“I don’t want to keep secrets just to keep you.” — Taylor Swift